Saturday, December 31, 2011

Stationery card

Festive Floral Holiday Card
Elegant holiday invitations for your friends and family.
View the entire collection of cards.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

30 Weeks: Big Foot?

Pregnancy: 30 Weeks
Weight 137.6
Baby's heart bpm low 140's
Baby's size: Squash
Baby's Weight: 4 pounds!!

I had a sonogram and an obgyn appt today, and according to the sonogram, the baby is measuring over 100% for height and weight, and weighing in at 4 pounds, ahead of schedule for an average baby at this stage of our pregnancy.  But I guess, judging by Nik, our babies are anything but average in height and weight.  She stated that due to the baby's size/measurements, you would think that my due date would be June 4, not June 16th.  All I kept thinking is 1. I do not want to give birth to a baby over 9 POUNDS!!! and 2. That poor pumpkin is going to be REALLY uncomfortable in the last couple of weeks in there.
She stated he/she was all scrunched up inside my belly. 

The baby was swallowing and putting his/her hand near their face during the sonogram.  She stated that the baby was breach though and she was slightly concerned that the baby was not head down at this stage of the pregnancy. I don't have a base comparison for this information bc due to my insurance plan the last pregnancy with Nik, I never had a sonogram at this stage with her, bc it would have been oop for me, and my obgyn stated that it was not necessary. Soooo, Nik could have been the same way, measuring the same way, breach the same way, so I am taking it all with a grain of salt, and letting time take its course.  We had a sonogram with this baby at a time early in the pregnancy that we never had with Nik, and I got worried bc the sono tech stated that I had Placenta Previa, and she would have to monitor it, and put me on a slight restriction of lifting/resting, etc, and then at the next check-up, everything was normal and as it should be.  So things could have been the same with NIk and we would have never known it bc we had the sonograms at different times. Note to self, next baby, have the sonograms at the same time to avoid confusion and promote consistency.

Our sono tech stated that the baby's weight and femur/humerous and head circumference are measuring ahead of schedule, so she stated that the baby will be tall with long limbs. At the news that our baby weighed 4 pounds, which was above average and that the head circumference was also above average, I expressed concern that the baby was overweight (due to my ice cream and chocolate obsession) and that the head was too large due to the amount of DHA I was taking.  The sono tech stated the baby will not be overweight bc the abdomen size is more average/consistent with the week of the pregnancy and the diameter of the head is also more in-line with the stage of  pregnancy. She stated that the diameter of the head and the abdomen size dictate that the baby will not be overweight and the baby will have a long narrow head.  She also stated that the baby does not have my nose, ha ha she thought from the image.  She got a bgeautiful shot of the baby's head.

Of course I rushed to tell my hubs that we were giving birth to big foot. Josh referred to Nik as "sasquatch" when she was born due to her height and weight. And of course I objected to this referrence.  My beautiful baby girl was not a "sasquatch" no matter what her size. I can't help the fact that my sister-in-law's both gave birth to small babies, but I was adament that this did not mean that my pumpkin was abnormally above average for height and weight even though she probably was.

But this baby does not look to be slowing down in size either, so I just pray that this baby weighs the same, or less than 9 pounds.  How is it that these poor babies are scrunched into my little torso?  I feel so sorry for them , ha ha. I told my hubs with his genes, he should have marries someone 5'7 to carry these little babes so they would be more comfortable.  I can already feel that second laceration tear happening again.  Although I never felt it the first time. Oh Lordy.  I think I should lay off the chocolate and ice cream.  I'm still eating oranges and banannas, which hopefully balances it out??  I have this new obsession for chocolate animal crackers since I bought them for Nik's 2nd Birthday.  I have been trying to take more walks after work with Nik now that the weather is warming up, so maybe this baby will level out, or I will ha ha.

But then I saw my obgyn and when I expressed my concern that I was going to give birth to a baby over 9 pounds, she advised me that she spoke to the sono tech and she actually was confusing my last menstral date for the last pregnancy cycle with this pregnancy's menstral cycle. She stated that the baby is right at or close to 100% but no worries. She said most second babies are larger, I just had an unusually above average first baby.
I can feel every movement from this little one.  I think that he/she is definently squished in there. When he/she moves I can feel the movements so strongly, they suprisingly hurt or perhaps their suddenness is also startling. Poor thing.  I can't remember if Nik's movements at this stage where quite as strong. I imagine they were.
Hang in there little pumpkin.  Two more months to go:)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Hi Mom.

My mother had Monday off (in addition to Thursday when she regularly watches Nik), and she called me to tell me she wanted to watch Nik.  My mother still works full time at 63, she'll be 64 this year.  She has been working more than my father this past year.  My father owned an excavating business and when building and construction slowed, or rather stopped, do to the economy, he has found himself with less and less work, and has now handed the business over to my uncle and is now working for the city.  They moved retirement to 67, so my mother still has three more year before she can retire. 

My heart goes out to my mother.  She works holidays and weekends, and she is physically exhausted at the end of the day, working on her feet all day as a retail salesperson.  She misses out all the time on special events, family time, and special occasions because she cannot take off work.  When Nik was born, she offered to use one of her two days off to watch her every week. And this has helped us out tremendously financially and me (sanity wise).  It's the only day that I don't worry about Nik, and usually the only day that I don't belittle and berate myself for not being able to stay at home with my children.  The other day she gets off during the week varies, sometimes it's a Sunday, sometimes another day during the week. During the holidays, she only gets one day off a week. 

The fact that she offers to watch Nik on her days off just warms my heart in a way that I can not describe. At her age, with the demands of her job, and knowing she has no other time for herself or to clean or run errands, she uses this only time to watch Nik.  We pay our sitter for 4 days, so any days beyond Thursday that Nik is not there, we are obligated to pay regardless. But, knowing that it brings her so joy to watch her, and fills her life brings me such pride in knowing she is my mother.  Knowing she wants to watch her more than take that time for herself and wants to watch her other than when it is simply convienent for her just reminds me of what a giving, generous person she is, and I can only think what a wonderful mother she must have been to me when I was too young to really remember or be aware.

I hope one day, I am that giving and that generous to my grandchildren, and that I am able to be half the grandmother, or rather, "mimi" she has been to Nik, and will be to our future children.

I called my mother on my lunch break just to check in, and was expecting my mom to tell me Nik was asleep. as she usually does. It took till just about the last ring for someone to answer, and I hear, "Hi Mom."  The voice sounded so casual, so confidant, so matter of point, and with a distinct tone, that I thought for a moment it must be my mom mocking my call.  It almost sounded like my 6 year old niece which I knew couldn't be possible as she lives in Orland Park.  After a few moments, I realized, or was it because she then said, "Hi Mommy" that I realized the voice belonged to Nik.  I have never heard her call me "Mom" and she sounded so grown up, so old, like she was 13 years old.  I think my heart dropped in my chest at this realization, bc I am not ready for her to get so big so fast. Of course, I LOVE watching her learn new things, explore new things, take new steps, as she grows and becomes her own individual, but she will always be my baby, even when the new baby comes. I think I will just start saying, "My babies."

Then the proceeding coversation resulted in a lot more of, "Hi Mommy" (ies) and I could hear in her voice that she wanted to see me instead of just talk to me, and it was heart breaking to hear. I don't think I will be calling home to speak to her anymore.  It was heartbreaking to me to continue the coversation as she just kept saying, "Mommy, Mommy," and I knew she wanted to see me.  I tried to ask her specific questions questions but it ended up as more that she just wanted to call for me instead of answer them.   My mother also said that when they said to say "good bye" and I said "good bye" and hung up, that big crocodile tears and crying resulted.

She has become more attached to me as we head into the two's and I can't help but wish that time would just speed up so I can be home with her permanantly.  Knowing it's so close, and not yet here, is agonizing.  And yet, I want to treasure this time between just the two of us.  It breaks my heart to leave her everyday, and I want to be with her every moment when we are together, which seems impossible.

But that, "Hi Mom" keeps echoing in my mind, and reminding me that our little pumpkin is getting bigger, growing up, and I am unable to slow time down, and left to just try and embrace every moment of it.

Monday, April 4, 2011


I hope to upload some photos from the Pumpkin's 2nd Birthday soon. Our French Poodle Hot Pink/Zebra themed party. 

I can't believe our little pumpkin is 2. 

I must say I was not too happy with the photos I took on her birthday.  And, this frustrated me.  I have just been really off with photography lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe my frustrations at not having a working computer to upload photos to, or not being able to go where I want to go with photography.  Maybe it's not having the energy to and time to put what I need to into my photography.  And the two times I tried to get photos with the pumpkin, she was chasing her cousin around, and I couldn't get her to sit still with me. She had a great birthday though, and I can finally get some sleep now hopefully.  Except, I do have to move on to the Nursery now that I am finished with the hubs birthday and her big 2nd Birthday celebration. 

Next is my birthday, but that is not until Easter Sunday, and thankfully, I will be in Chicago with my family, and hopefully won't have to worry about entertaining or cleaning.  I am kind of excited that my birthday falls on Easter this year, kind of something fun, unique and different.

Nik ended up having two birthday parties (one on her actual birthday wth family & then her Big 2nd Birthday party with friends and family) and we took Mother/Daughter Maternity photos the same week with my sister-in-law.  It has been a crazy week. 48 Barefoot Contessa coconut cream cheese cucakes, 4 dozen iced "bones" and "high heels" scratch sugar cookies, oreo balls, Pink Poodle cupcakes that got nixed in the final stages because I couldn't find pink Circus peanuts anywhere but online, appetizers, pasta salads, tea sandwhiches, party planning and a near disaster with the Oopsy Daisy skirt and Rosette Tank. Grocery shopping, more grocery shopping, and more grocery shopping. Cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning.  I am exhausted, but I have been so hyped up the last few weeks, I feel like I still can't sit still. After staying up nights till12:30, 3:30, 5:30 am, and then all night the night before her actual birthday, after the party, I still found myself cleaning everything up, and passing out on my parents couch at 11:30 pm.

It's getting closer to the due date, and I can't help but wonder where the time went.   We waited so late to tell everyone, and I have been so busy with work, taking care of NIk, holidays, showers, and birthdays, that I can barely believe we only have 2 1/2 months left (10 weeks Thursday).  I find myself trying to mentally slow time down.  I am so excited to welcome this new little pupmkin, but worried about my little pumpkin at home. I so want to treasure these last weeks I have her all to myself, hoping that she welcomes this new little brother or sister with a welcome and open heart.  She does love her Mommy time. I just want to be able to give them both the time and lvoe they deserve and not feel completely overwhelmed.

Talking with my mother yesterday, I mentioned to her that when she passes there are a few things that I want for myself and my family, but mainly everything else I am more than happy to share with my family and extended family.  Family photographs was one that was very important to me. I hope to line my future homes with loads of antique, old fashioned, photography of my parents family and of my own family. The other thing I mentioned to her was my Grandfather's antique cameras.  I didn't know this until recently, but my mother's father loved photography and when he died it was very important to my mother to keep his cameras and a bulk of their family photographs.  My mother told me how she was heatbroken bc one of his cameras she believes was accidently thrown out. I can't help wondering which camera it was, what it looked like, if I could have somehow located someone to restore it, and can't help but carry that loss as well. A piece of my Grandfather and what was was important to him gone forever; something that is just as important to me, a newfound shared passion with the Grandfather I never met, who died shortly before my mother was married to my father. 

I found myself wondering about him and his passion, his interest in photography, and wondered if he didn't somehow pass that passion and love and desire through to me.  To carry on his legacy and create these memories for our families and generations to come, and I found myself getting teary eyed over it.   I found myself wishing I had had the opportunity to meet him and learn about his passion and love of photography, to have him teach me about life as Grandfathers do.  A desire to pour out my ideas and thoughts about photography and to hear his own, and share that passion with him, and learn through him.  And, a yearning desire to finish his legacy and honor him and my own family through my own pursuit of photography.  I hope to make him proud one day and honor his passion through my own shared passion, love, and photgraphy. 

I found myself hoping and praying that Nikolina and our children will have many, many years with their Grandfathers to share that special bond that only Grandfathers and grand children do. Having never met my mothers father, and losing my dad's father when I was 10, I am thankful for the memories that I do have of my father's father, and hope that Nikolina will have that too with her grandfathers.


Friday, March 18, 2011

Be Not Afraid...

This happened upon me today...

Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still. 
~Chinese Proverb

                                                      I also have seen it read this way...

I'm not sure which way is correct, but I like it both ways.  The first thing I thought of was my setbacks, or shall I say my "challenges" with pursuing photography.   And it inspired me to not feel as discouraged about my current position, and having to hold off on pursuing photography on the level I am desiring. Going slowly or Growing slowly is better than not all.  I think I may hang it where I can see it and be reminded everyday.  My desk, our fridge, our office, our bedroom, our bathroom, Nik's room, etc.

Hope it inspired your life in some way(s) as it has inspired mine.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Erin Go Bragh!

Irish Eyes are smiling!
Have a Green Beer for Me, ha!


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday to my husband who turns 31 today.  And what a Beautiful day for his Birthday.  Gorgeous.  Couldn't have asked for a more perfect Spring day compared to the weather we have been having lately.  He requested Chicken + Noodles.  He wanted hand rolled noodles, but I told him a working expecting mama does not have time for hand rolled noodles like Grandma used to make.  I have been taking off work just to clean in order to have people over to the house.  And to grocery shop and make the dinner and dessert.  I have a day and half of vaction left till next June. I hope I make it till then, ha.  I have to use my vacation when Nik is sick, and thus those days become my vacation.  I stayed up till 4:30 am last night, and made it till about 8pm today, and then the tiredness hit me. 

I love to plan parties and entertain family and friends though.   Love it!  And I LOVE having a clean house.  I hope I can maintain it this way till Nik's Birthday party, or else I'll be doing this all over again. I get so giddy having a clean house. 

I am so excited for her 2nd Birthday, wait till you see what I have planned. A French Poodle Party, and if I can pull it off, I will feel a huge relief when it's all over.  I'm also excited for my niece Bella's 1st Birthday party this weekend!  I miss my brother, sister-in-law ans nieces terribly since we live about two hours away.  And I know Nik wil have a blast at the party.  She had so much fun with her triplet cousins at Daddy's party tonight.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Come In...

Come in, but don’t expect to find
All dishes done and floors that shine.
Observe the crumbs, cereal, and toys galore.
The smudgy prints upon the windows and doors.
The little ones we shelter here
Don’t thrive on a spotless atmosphere.
They’re more inclined to disarray
And carefree messy play.

Their needs are great and their patience small.
All day I’m at their beck and call.
It’s Mommy come! Mommy see!
Mommy change the channel on TV.
Wiggly worms and scraped knees.
Painted pictures and blocks piled high.
My floors and house a mess, the days go by.
Some future day they’ll flee this nest,
And I at last will have a rest!
Now you tell me which matters more,
A happy child or a polished floor?

I found this on Christinia's Blog 365 Days of Grace and just loved it!  Christinia is also pregnant and is about 1 week behind me. I found her blog a while back, and jsut fell in love with it!  She has a beautiful little spot there, and a beautiful daughter, Gracie, go check it out!  I love Christinia's photography as well:)

Also, prayers and thoughts go out to the people of Japan and surrounding areas during this time, and pray that the people and their country are able to pull together through this crisis: You can see more HERE.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Pregnancy:Week 26

DATE: March 10, 2011

How far along: 26 Weeks

Total Weight Gained: Unknown, never weighed myself before baby (insane I know)

Current Weight: 134.8

Weeks 25-28 (Month 6): Eggplant

Average size: 13.6-14.8 inches, 1.5-2.2 lb.
Immune system is preparing for the outside world...

Your Baby: Month 6
Let your spouse put an ear to your belly -- he might be able to pick up baby's heartbeat (no stethoscope required). Inside the womb, the formation of tiny capillaries is giving baby a healthy pink glow. Baby's also soaking up your antibodies, getting the immune system ready for life outside the womb. Eyes are forming, and baby will soon perfect the blink -- perfect for batting those freshly grown lashes.

Maternity Clothes: I did purchase a pair of maternity jeans as I mentioned in a previous post:

My other jeans fit, but the zipper kept sliding down, and the button began to get uncomfortable.  I have heard of the Belly Band and all those gadgets to wear out your current pair of jeans longer, but I just decided to give in to Maternity and buy a pair. They are skinny afterall. The only thing I don't like is the elastic over your tummy, and it looks strange folded over, but I'm sticking with the one pair for now. 

My last pregnancy the only Maternity clothes I purchased was a pair of jeans, a few long sleeve tees from Targee and the hubs purchased a winter maternity coat for me.  I usually just wore what I already had to save money or bought something clearance in a larger size in the Junior dept.  I was trying to stay away from Maternity clothes, and just wasn't happy with the selection we had at our one Maternity store and Targee.  But this prenancy, our Maternity store had some cuter things, and Heidi Klum has a Maternity line now as well. I figured, I should just buy something that fits my body type pregnant rather than clearance Junior clothes, and embrace being pregnant.  I bought a short black raincoat, a few tops, a black pair of skinny dress pants, and a pair of black stretch pants. I have a couple wedding showers for my sister-in-law to attend, Easter, and my 31st Birthday, and Maternity pictures soon, so they will be put to good use, and I didn't break the bank on the purchases.
Sleep: Good.  Sleeping on my left side, which I always do anyway.  A pillow between my legs is most comfortable, but I usually wake up and it's somehwere else in the bed or on the floor.  Last night though Nik woke up several times, and then I couldn't get back to sleep.  The baby was then moving non stop for a couple hours. Eventually I went and got Nik, gave her some milk and we snuggled till she fell back asleep, and then I moved her back to her crib, went back to sleep for about 1hr and got up, and actually fixed myself up a little this morning for a change.  I usually just put my hair in a bun or hat and rush out the door with usually whatever is hanging in my closet clean, and my jeans or leggings that are thrown on the floor.

Best Moment of the Week: My Prenatal Appt today.  I got to drink the orange sugar "gatorade" juice for the blood lab/Diabetes/Glucose test today.  I actually think it tastes good, or at least my office's does, ha ha.  I enjoyed it, and I really enjoyed playing hooky for an hour while I had to wait before I could get my blood drawn.  My obgyn came in and I talked to her, she took the baby's heartbeat and she said in the 130's so she is guessing a boy.  She said I was measuring 25/26 tummy measurement.  Then I walked down to the Hospital Gift shop while I waited for the hour to be up, and got to look at all the tiny cute fluffy soft adorable baby items and dream about our baby and his/her coming into the world, and those heavenly first couple days in the hospital with ourt new little bundle of joy, boy or girl. And saw these adorable Mud Pie silver rattles for a girl or boy that were about $7 and decided that I will have to have my mom pick one up after we find out what sex the baby is.  Eeek, can't wait! 

Food Cravings: Oranges. Vitamin Water ZERO. Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Food Aversions: None, but staying away from Caffeine and Soda.

Gender: Still don't know yet, we are waiting to find out. Hubs wants to know badly. Saw our Sono Tech today who asked if I had changed my mind about finding out and I said, "No, I still don't want to find out."  I mean I do, but, I don't.  Hubs still wants to though.

Symptoms: Big belly!  Getting harder to sit in shower and shave legs, bend over to pick things up, etc.  Try not to lay on my back too much, bc of the loss of blood flow, and I hear is uncomfortable for Baby bc he/she competes with your backbone/vertebrae.  Though I sometimes wake up on my back.  Heartburn, Heartburn and more Heartburn!  From anything: juice, fruit, vegetables, fish, rice, pasta, you name it, it gives me heartburn.  Zantac is my saving grace!  Looks like I am carrying a basketball, so I am thinking, "Boy" based on the heartbeat and tummy, but still think this little one is a Girl.  I've heard people say the heartbeats predicted the opposite sex many times, so I'm not sure that is a positive indicator of the sex of the baby, and the Chinese lunar calendar sais it was a Girl, so we'll see!

What I miss: I would love a good glass of wine!

What I'm looking forward to: Decorating the Nursery.  Maternity pictures.  And, I can continue to say, finding out the sex of the baby!  And, also, really getting excited to meet this little bundle of joy!

What I am loving: Feeling that baby kick.  My 15/20 min walks at work on my break.  I love reading Nik her Big Sister book!   Also, enjoying my quality, special time with Nik before she has to share Mommy-Lots of giggles and snuggles hugs and kisses!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Big Sister.

I bought Nik this book this weekend....I LOVE it, and she does too!  It is such a sweet book.  It really captures so much in such a short book, and the illustrations are so sweet!  We read it over and over again. She is so excited about a baby and being a big sister....she will be the best big sister ever!  They make one for Big Brothers too.  I want her to be prepared and excited for this new addition to our lives and family.  Can't believe we only have 3 1/2 months to go....where did the time go???

XOXO Love.

Monday, February 21, 2011


I am wanting to find out the baby's gender today....argh. So hard. I feel like I should wait it out since we have come this far, but want to know...grrr.  What do you think????

So I mentioned wanting skinny maternity jeans that were not in our budget....and,  I forgot that hubs got me a gift certificate to a local dept Monday, the zipper on my "junior" skinny jeans kept un-zipping, and by Friday, I couldn't comfortably get my jeans zipped or buttoned. I tried on my maternity jeans from 2008-2009, and they were atrocious compared to my skinny jeans which I am used to, and my skinny jeans aren't even the really skinny jeans. I have been spoiled with skinny jeans and leggins!  I couldn't bear to wear them. So I remebered my gc to this dept store, and saw on line they were having a sale, and they carried a pair of skinny leg maternity jeans. I called and had the salesclerk hold me a pair. She could only find a small which I knew would be too large.  I was praying that she missed the XS somehwere on the rack, and low and behold, on my lunch, yes, one pair of XS skinny maternity jeans in dark wash, one pair, mind you. I almost got down on my knees there in thre dept store and said an "Alleluia!"  Of course I didn't, but I did take a moment in the car to thank the Lord for this find.  I am not loving loving them, bc well they are maternity jeans, so you feel like a heffer anyway, and they are not high jean quality material, obviously (we live in a town where the maternity options are very very very limited--So, I am lucky and thankful to have what we have).  I swear I should open a cute maternity store for preggers, if I could only finance it. And, an adorable baby section in the back, with Beautiful baby photos and preggers photos adorning the walls....ahhhhh, and call it "Kitschy, Kitschy Coo! " A girl can dream can't she??? 

So, without further ado, say hello to my skinny maternity jeans...

They look way better on her than me, might be the shortness or the muscular legs, her legs are quite long and slender, but I was quite proud to have found them today, and showed them to all the girls at work.  Wish I could get some new tops too, but happy just to have these for now. Thank you Lord!


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Busting Out!

My Co-worker informed me today that my zipper was down. I quickly zipped it up, only to discover that it was down again. All day long I did this. So either my zipper is broke, or it may be time to start thinking about breaking out the Maternity jeans. I don't want to give up my skinnys, and hate to buy a new pair of jeans, even though they probably have a skinny leg Maternity-
not in the budget right now.

Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood.  Hee hee.

Hope you all are having a good Tuesday.
We're trying to get back on an earlier sleep schedule. I hate to put her down so early bc it means that we have less time together. She called for me for 10 minutes straight or longer. Broke my heart, I want to spend more time with her, but getting her up in the morning before daycare has been a nightmare. She is exhausted, and hates to be rushed to get dressed and leave. Waking her up even earlier seems like torture, so to bed earlier it is. Hopefully, our struggles in the morning will be easier now if she is more rested. And I won't have to rush out the door at daycare as she cries and screams my name.  I left in tears today.  It's so hard for me.  I hate leaving her.

I hate to think what abandonment issues I am engraining into her personality leaving her in tears and cries everyday bc I have to work. How much easier our lives would be if I didn't have to work. Last week when she was sick, she slept till 9 am, even 10 am. Breaks my heart to think how much sleep she is loosing out on bc we have to wake up at the crack of dawn.  And she didn't have to rush out the door last week, and since she went with my dad a few days, I let her stay in her jammies which she loved.  Hopefully, this is better for her, and we can save on the tears and back and forth in the morning. That will make me feel better though it's hard to put her down earlier, bc I miss out on time together with her.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Hearts Day!

This is how I felt today driving Nikolina to daycare. I had Valentines and Valentine Goodie Bags for her class, and teachers. Heart shaped pink/red Iced Sugar Cookies for my colleagues at work, kitty/puppy Valentines with Pink Tootsie Pops for my co-workers and a Special Heart Box for all my Valentines. Spent the weekend baking/cooking Valentine themed food and making Valentines for our family.  As I was driving in my car, there was no sign anywhere that it was Valentined Day, and I thought what a shame, "there should be hearts in the sky." 

Thought this was sweet.

for you Valentines Day Haters, this made me smile...

This made me laugh....
Vulgar for Valentines Day and a Momma, but funny none the less.

Hope you were able to share this special day with someone you LOVE!

New Mommy

Friday, February 11, 2011

Happy Hearts Day!

Happy Friday y'all!

I hope you all have a Great V-Day weekend, and V-Day!  Hope you get to spend time with your lovies and your hubbies!  I am making the hubs and Nik Red Velvet Pancakes this weekend a  Spaghetti dinner (original I know, trying to budget, ha) and  I have some Sugar Cookie dough frozen from Christmas and I hope to make Iced Heart Sugar Cookies this wekend, but they are so time consuming, I am exicted but know that I will be exhausted by the end of the process.

Hoping to make some Valentines with Nik tomorrow or Sunday for our family. I wanted to get them completed today and mailed, before/on V-day, but with Nik sick and a hard time getting her to nap again after she breiefly fell asleep and woke up, they didn't happen today. Poor pumpkin, I know she was tired, but she just would not go down for her nap thsi afternoon. She lay in there talking to herself for an hour I swear before she fell asleep, saying things like "Mommy, I did It,"  "Mommy slow down,"  "Hi Puppy," "No, Ella," and other random things.  It was kind of funny, but my heart was breaking, bc I know she needs the sleep to  get better.
Once she fell aleep, I did get manage to get all our dishes done, that were still stacked up/soaking from the Superbowl and every meal last week (I know).  Cleaned the kitchen, picked up the house and vaccummed. I still have some laundry to do, and have to make another trip to the grocery store, since we go to the store late and Nik got really sleepy while shopping today and I wanted to get her home, so we didn't complete our shopping trip.  Pancakes will have to wait till Sunday unless I get up really early tommorow which I don't think is going to happen.

I had hoped to take some pics of Nik this weekend in V-day day attire, but with her sick, I just don't have the heart to do it, and have to work all week next week, so will have to put that off maybe till she is better.  She woke up with a fever and cold early Tuesday morning at 3:30/4:30 AM? and has had a fever off and on and horrible congestion, trying to get into her chest ever since. I had hoped she would be on the up end of it now, but she just can't seem to break it.  Maybe she keeps re-infecting herself or Maybe she's not getting enough nutrients since she's not that interested in food. She does want milk all day, but I have heard that milk makes congestion worse, so I am almost thinking I should start giving her some low sugar applejuice in place of some of the milk. I have been watering some of it down so she's not getting to much, but afraid she's not getting enough, ha!

I am going to make a Valentine box for Nik to put her Valentines in, and one for me. I am in charge of the Valentines Day party for my colleagues at work (well it was my idea), and I am in charge of all the "moral boosters" at my work is what they call them, parties/celebrations is what I call them.  I told my team that they have to bring sweets and also Valentines for everyone. They all laughed and said, I was back in grade school, but by the end of this week, everyone was talking about it and making Valentine boxes to put ther Valentines in. Who doesn't love giving anf receiving Valentines?  And, making little Valentine treat baggies for all Nik's "classmates" at her "preschool"/daycare, and my nieces and nephew.  So excited!!

I just love V-day, and I have to work till 7 PM Valentines day, can you beleive that?  Ugh!  I got the worse schedule ever this month, bc I turned my schedule the morning after it was due, and they wouldn't accept it.  So, I just decided to embrace it, no one would have taken it anyway if I tried to give it up, ha!  Hubs doesn't get home till after me usually, so it will probably be a pizza or maybe a take-out night, which is fine by me.

Hope you all have a good one!  Happy Hearts Day! XOXO

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Pregnancy: Week 22

***BIG SONOGRAM TODAY***  Hubs and Nik came along!

DATE: February 10, 2011

How far along: 22 Weeks

Total Weight Gained: Unknown, never weighed myself before baby (insane I know)

Current Weight: 132.8
(seems high this far along, guess I better lay off the Ghiradeli and Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies, ha ha)

Weeks 22-24 (Month 5): Papaya  Our Baby is a Papaya!!  I LOVE that word!  Good Lord, as big as my tummy is, I hope that baby is bigger than a Papaya or else I am going to be in trouble!

Average size: 10.5-11.8 inches, 12.7-20.8 oz.

Nipples are sprouting, and face is fully formed!

Your Baby: Month 5
Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

Maternity Clothes: No.  Ironically my jeans still fit, at least one pair do. But starting the get tighter at the button/fly.

Sleep: Good.  Sleeping on my left side, which I always do anyway.  A pillow between my legs is most comfortable, but I usually wake up and it's somehwere else in the bed or on the floor.

Best Moment of the Week: Sonogram today. Seeing you move, and knowing you are healthy and growing right on track.  The sono-tech had the baby play peek-a-boo with Nikolina and you, using the wand and she loved it. Having my whole family together in one room was pretty amazing!  Watching her meet you was pretty amazing!  Can't wait till the real thing!

Food Cravings: Oranges. Vitamin Water. Grilled Cheeses.

Food Aversions: None, but staying away from Caffeine and Soda.

Gender: We didn't find out today. Hubs was amazing, and is going to wait to find out with me, I think,
hee hee.  I almost caved, I felt so bad for him, he was so sad/dissapointed:(

Symptoms: Big belly!  This baby is getting BIG FAST!  If I lay on the couch on my back, I get really bad lower back pain, and start to feel sick (bc your blood flow slows down unless you are on your left side). Also, tying my shoes laces on the side, and can't see the bottem of my tummy anymore.

What I miss: Flat belly, cocktails (usually only when family/friends are celebrating,otherwise, doesn't bother me:)

What I'm looking forward to: Decorating the Nursery. Nikolina becoming more aware that there is a Baby in mommy's tummy that she will be able to help take care of when he/she is born!  Maternity pictures.  And, now I can continue to say, finding out the sex of the baby!  And, also, really getting excited to meet this little one.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tick Tock...

Tomorrow's the BIG (SONOGRAM) DAY!  Hubs and I battled today on finding out the sex. I think he caved and will wait to find out, but now I feel bad, he wants to know so bad, he's pouting/brooding about it, saying there's no point for him to go to the sonogram. I am going to take Nik since this will be the last sonogram we have till the baby is born.  The last sonograms, they didn't use the wand on my tummy, and I think it freaked her out a little. Since they will put the wand on my tummy this time, I am thinking she won't be as freaked out this time. I think she thinks they are hurting Mommy. 

Tonight though, when I said the baby was kicking, she put her hand on my tummy several times, and rubbed it. When you ask her where "Mommy's Baby" is, she points to her tummy and says "here, here," or points to my tummy.  But, she is more into babies she can touch/see.  Everytime I mention a baby, she always asks for "bella" who is my niece that lives in Orland Park, IL.  It kills me that we can't just hop in the car and go over to their house to see them. I miss them so much across the distance. It does make our time together when we visit that much more special though. And I must say, I do love that they live in the Chicago suburbs, just kind of wished we lived there with them, ha. Though, I do love our hometown.

Hubs is so sad, but I tried to explain it to him this way, "If Christmas where tomorrow, you'd be really excited for the day, but how would you feel when December 25 came?"  Or, I said, "I could tell you the gift I was going to give you, but wouldn't you rather I wrap it up, and you not know?"  I mean, to me, one of the best parts of Christmas is the anticipation and build up, same with your wedding, and with the birth of your child. I fyou haev the means to wait, why not?

I just love that not finding out is the same way our parents and our grandparents had their births.  And, not knowing will prevent me from going out and buying a bunch of stuff we can't afford, ha!  This way, I know I will not go out and buy yellow/green stuff, so I think we save money/temptation.  And the room I want is gender neutral, so it works.

Just feel bad for hubs, almost want to find out for him, but I really think not knowing is the best way. I just know I'd regret it if we found out, and you can't take that back.  And he can't keep a secret to save his life!As fast as this pregnancy is going, the baby will be here in no time.  I will probably be packing my overnight bag in a couple of months. I swear the last time, I packed that think for a month over and over, ha!  And didn't even use most of the stuff I packed for the baby.

Baby Garrett is kicking up a storm the past few weeks, and sometimes, very abrupt, sharp kicks that hurt!  Sometimes almost jarr me they happen so suddenly and fast. Think we might have a future Soccer player or Field Goal kicker on our hands, Ouch!  I love every minute of it!  Being pregnant is like being in on a secret that no one else knows about.  It's amazing!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


21 Weeks.

I'll be 22 Weeks Thursday!  Hard to believe we are halfway there!  I don't feel like I am near where I want to be for this new little bundle of joy, but hopefully things will fall into place.  I have a new restored hope, perhaps an early spring???  It' suspposed to warm up this weekend, and I am hoping maybe I can take some pics of the pumpkin and dust off the camera.

We have our BIG sonogram Thursday, I was actually able to keep a scheduled appointment this time with all the overtime and capacity scheduled at work. I didn't have to use my free morning to go to the doctor as I usually do, and I am ecstatic!

Hubs wants to find out the sex, but I am bound and determined not to know. I don't think I can convince him to change his mind, even though I am the one carrying this little love for 9 months, ha!  I just find it so much more old fashioned and nostalgic to not find out, and It gives you that big surprise moment at the end, something to look forward to along the way, ehich your 9 months and ready to pop. I feel like not knowing gets you through those last days where you can't wait to meet your new little life and welcome hm/her into the world.

I am about the most organized person you'll meet, or used to be before working full-time and having a child. So, you would think it would be a nightmare to me no tto know, but for some reason I LOVE not knowing.  Hubs just wants to know if it's a BOY. And, I keep telling him he and I both are going to have nothing to look forward to when he finds out it's a GIRl, as I think it is(him already knowing it's not a BOY, and me not wanting to know). The Chinese Lunar Calendar says it is most asssuredly a GIRL, and I have always found the Calendar to be accurate, as others swear by it's accuracy as well. 

I had hoped for a BOY, but now, I am open to having another GIRL, especially for NIkolina. I never had a sister, my best friend, Mitzi was my adopted sister for most of my youth life,  and I had a couple very close friends as a teenager that were like sisters to me, one into my mid twenties.  Plus already having the clothes that should nearly fit (Nik born late March, and this little one June 16), would be a huge financial plus.

Hopefully, I can convince the hubs to wait with me. He's a HORRIBLE secret keeper, so there's no way he could keep it from me if he found out and I didn't, and I really want it to be a SURPRISE~!  And the nursery decor that I am hoping for (Chic-Nautical Theme with Navy's and Reds and Khakis) will be neutral anyway, if I can convince hubs to help me decorate~!  HE swore he would not do another baby room after Nik.  And, he did such a fabulous job striping and drywalling and molding her her room, tsk tsk, shame to let that talent go un-fettered.

We'll see....

Pumpkim woke up at 4:30 AM with a fever (she started a cold Saturday night) and went back to bed at 6 AM. She is still sleeping now, poor pumpkin:( I am headed to work when she wakes up, and my Papa is going to watch her for the rest of the day.

Monday, February 7, 2011


I'm embarrassed even now to write this as it has been so long since I posted, and I have to apologize, and admit that I have missed writing and you, my friends, dearly.

I lost a piece of myself when our computer broke, and I could no longer upload photos to share with you all and to treasure and explore for myself. So much so, that I stopped picking up my camera. Staring at it sitting there gathtering dust, un-used, un-explored, un-challenged, lonely, sad, empty, well that's kind of how I have felt too.

Work has taken so much joy from me, so much life I have felt ebb away, missing out on my daughter's precious moments of youth and exploration and shared love, that I am having a hard time finding myself again.

Work has been insane, with no spare moment to re-group and find myself. This pregnancy has taken a lot out of me physically, finding only enough energy to take care of Nikolina and put some kind of dinner on the table.  And, the bitter cold of winter with endless snow and ice, and sunless days has done nothing to restore that energy.

Only recenlty have I found the a new found strength to actually finish our laundry that has piled up for weeks, and manage to clean the house and do the dishes. I have finally managed to keep the house clean for two weeks now, staying up till 2 am several nights.

And, the hubs and I have gone back and forth on the bills, our debts, and the budget, which has taken any emotional and mental strength I have had left.  It seems like everytime we get back on our feet, the rug is pulled out from underneath us, whether from our indirect doing, or by what can only be deemed dumb luck. 

I am determined to stay at home with our new child and with Nikolina.  And, I cannot rest until the day we make that dream a reality.  I am learning to shop generic, and tell myself I don't need that ice cream, or that unnecessary treat at the store. That stop at the vending machine or the Corporate Cafe could mean not staying home with my child. And, I am learning to do without so that I may be able to watch my children grow.

The other day, just when I thought that I couldn't bear to step outise until the bitter freezing cold and wind to walk the icy, snowy parking lot the length to my car at the end of the work day....I was driving to get Nikolina from daycare and realized that it was 4:50 pm and still sunny.  Through the drab winter, there the sun shone, like a beacon of hope, a ray of light in a cloud of darkness.  A promise of warmer weather, of lazy days in the grass, spring flowers, bubbles and walks to the park, and beautiful photos.  And, my spirit was lifted.

I've been forced to set photography on the back burner.  Most people would see these struggles as a challenge and for so long I did. For so long, I promised myself I would not give up on my dreams, my passion, on the art and light I found through photography. But, I gave in, as I do when excessive "no's" and "you can'ts" were thrown at me.  So many times I have entered giveaways daily, workshops opportunities, membership promotions, raffles in the hopes of getting a leg up. I even wrote a 6 page letter to a radio station during a make-a-wish promotion that went unanswered. 

I have not given up on my goal and my dreams to conquer photography, but until we have the means to further my dreams, I have to wait patiently on this passion that is bursting inside of me, begging to be explored.

A new change at work on our computers, has eliminated accessibility to some of the sites that I searched during the day in my free time to inspire me artistically and through communities, and even here with all of you. I never blogged much at work, but I can't, now even pull up my url any longer.

I'm not here to say, "I'm Back."  Because more than likely, I'm not, but I am trying. I am searching for that person within me that is trying to get back to all of you, trying to find the strength, energy, and the motivation.

Relishing in those little things that bring me so much joy:
Seeing Nikolina's face when I pick her up from daycare for the day
Watching the clock on my phone at work hit 4:30 pm
Watching Nikolina with her Baby and knowing what an amazing Big Sister she will be
Hearing her say "Ma Ma" or "Mommy"
Seeing her first thing in the Morning, after naptime, and last thing at night
Watching her learn
Hugs, snuggles, and kisses
Her joy and excitement at building a snowman in our front yard
Nikolina "cooking" with me
How she likes to play "hide and seek" and to "hide"
Laying my head on my pillow at night
A hot shower
A Chocolate Chip Cookie
Ruffles on clothes
Newsboy Hats
Fingerless gloves
Skinny Jeans
Sexy Lingerie
Katy Perry
Valentines Day
Sleeves that cover your hands with thumb holes
Hearing Nik say "Frosty" which sounds like "Frothy"
Hearing her say "Cruella" which sounds like "Ka lel a"
Hearing her say "I don't know" and put her hands up in a mock gesture
Hearing her say "I did it," "Mommy, I did it"
Hearing her say "Oh Man" or "No Way"
Hearing all the new words she learns every day
How she always steals your spot, on purpose
How she lives to jump on the Bed and "Fall down"
Reading to her
Watching her do everything with her baby, I do with her
How she wants to put colored sprinkles on EVERYTHING
Feeling the baby move/kick
Watching my jeans become too tight to zip or button
Dreaming of a Nursery
Dreaming of an Immaculate house, and an endless amount of time to clean it in
Dreaming of the time to be the organized person that I am
Dreaming of a computer and Photoshop, a workshop, and all the photo books I can find
And, dreaming of staying at home with my children.

Love to all XOXO

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I Have a Secret to Share...

P.S. Since, I don't have a computer, or Photoshop to edit, I had to refer you to this site to share in my secret.  I created this wordpress site a while back to showcase my photography since I was having so many issues with Blogger.  If I tried to upload this photo to Blogger, you wouldn't have been able to read what the card stated...hee hee...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year!!!

May this year bring you much good health, celebration, love, laughter, joy, and happiness!