Monday, February 21, 2011


I am wanting to find out the baby's gender today....argh. So hard. I feel like I should wait it out since we have come this far, but want to know...grrr.  What do you think????

So I mentioned wanting skinny maternity jeans that were not in our budget....and,  I forgot that hubs got me a gift certificate to a local dept Monday, the zipper on my "junior" skinny jeans kept un-zipping, and by Friday, I couldn't comfortably get my jeans zipped or buttoned. I tried on my maternity jeans from 2008-2009, and they were atrocious compared to my skinny jeans which I am used to, and my skinny jeans aren't even the really skinny jeans. I have been spoiled with skinny jeans and leggins!  I couldn't bear to wear them. So I remebered my gc to this dept store, and saw on line they were having a sale, and they carried a pair of skinny leg maternity jeans. I called and had the salesclerk hold me a pair. She could only find a small which I knew would be too large.  I was praying that she missed the XS somehwere on the rack, and low and behold, on my lunch, yes, one pair of XS skinny maternity jeans in dark wash, one pair, mind you. I almost got down on my knees there in thre dept store and said an "Alleluia!"  Of course I didn't, but I did take a moment in the car to thank the Lord for this find.  I am not loving loving them, bc well they are maternity jeans, so you feel like a heffer anyway, and they are not high jean quality material, obviously (we live in a town where the maternity options are very very very limited--So, I am lucky and thankful to have what we have).  I swear I should open a cute maternity store for preggers, if I could only finance it. And, an adorable baby section in the back, with Beautiful baby photos and preggers photos adorning the walls....ahhhhh, and call it "Kitschy, Kitschy Coo! " A girl can dream can't she??? 

So, without further ado, say hello to my skinny maternity jeans...

They look way better on her than me, might be the shortness or the muscular legs, her legs are quite long and slender, but I was quite proud to have found them today, and showed them to all the girls at work.  Wish I could get some new tops too, but happy just to have these for now. Thank you Lord!


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Busting Out!

My Co-worker informed me today that my zipper was down. I quickly zipped it up, only to discover that it was down again. All day long I did this. So either my zipper is broke, or it may be time to start thinking about breaking out the Maternity jeans. I don't want to give up my skinnys, and hate to buy a new pair of jeans, even though they probably have a skinny leg Maternity-
not in the budget right now.

Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood.  Hee hee.

Hope you all are having a good Tuesday.
We're trying to get back on an earlier sleep schedule. I hate to put her down so early bc it means that we have less time together. She called for me for 10 minutes straight or longer. Broke my heart, I want to spend more time with her, but getting her up in the morning before daycare has been a nightmare. She is exhausted, and hates to be rushed to get dressed and leave. Waking her up even earlier seems like torture, so to bed earlier it is. Hopefully, our struggles in the morning will be easier now if she is more rested. And I won't have to rush out the door at daycare as she cries and screams my name.  I left in tears today.  It's so hard for me.  I hate leaving her.

I hate to think what abandonment issues I am engraining into her personality leaving her in tears and cries everyday bc I have to work. How much easier our lives would be if I didn't have to work. Last week when she was sick, she slept till 9 am, even 10 am. Breaks my heart to think how much sleep she is loosing out on bc we have to wake up at the crack of dawn.  And she didn't have to rush out the door last week, and since she went with my dad a few days, I let her stay in her jammies which she loved.  Hopefully, this is better for her, and we can save on the tears and back and forth in the morning. That will make me feel better though it's hard to put her down earlier, bc I miss out on time together with her.


Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Hearts Day!

This is how I felt today driving Nikolina to daycare. I had Valentines and Valentine Goodie Bags for her class, and teachers. Heart shaped pink/red Iced Sugar Cookies for my colleagues at work, kitty/puppy Valentines with Pink Tootsie Pops for my co-workers and a Special Heart Box for all my Valentines. Spent the weekend baking/cooking Valentine themed food and making Valentines for our family.  As I was driving in my car, there was no sign anywhere that it was Valentined Day, and I thought what a shame, "there should be hearts in the sky." 

Thought this was sweet.

for you Valentines Day Haters, this made me smile...

This made me laugh....
Vulgar for Valentines Day and a Momma, but funny none the less.

Hope you were able to share this special day with someone you LOVE!

New Mommy

Friday, February 11, 2011

Happy Hearts Day!

Happy Friday y'all!

I hope you all have a Great V-Day weekend, and V-Day!  Hope you get to spend time with your lovies and your hubbies!  I am making the hubs and Nik Red Velvet Pancakes this weekend a  Spaghetti dinner (original I know, trying to budget, ha) and  I have some Sugar Cookie dough frozen from Christmas and I hope to make Iced Heart Sugar Cookies this wekend, but they are so time consuming, I am exicted but know that I will be exhausted by the end of the process.

Hoping to make some Valentines with Nik tomorrow or Sunday for our family. I wanted to get them completed today and mailed, before/on V-day, but with Nik sick and a hard time getting her to nap again after she breiefly fell asleep and woke up, they didn't happen today. Poor pumpkin, I know she was tired, but she just would not go down for her nap thsi afternoon. She lay in there talking to herself for an hour I swear before she fell asleep, saying things like "Mommy, I did It,"  "Mommy slow down,"  "Hi Puppy," "No, Ella," and other random things.  It was kind of funny, but my heart was breaking, bc I know she needs the sleep to  get better.
Once she fell aleep, I did get manage to get all our dishes done, that were still stacked up/soaking from the Superbowl and every meal last week (I know).  Cleaned the kitchen, picked up the house and vaccummed. I still have some laundry to do, and have to make another trip to the grocery store, since we go to the store late and Nik got really sleepy while shopping today and I wanted to get her home, so we didn't complete our shopping trip.  Pancakes will have to wait till Sunday unless I get up really early tommorow which I don't think is going to happen.

I had hoped to take some pics of Nik this weekend in V-day day attire, but with her sick, I just don't have the heart to do it, and have to work all week next week, so will have to put that off maybe till she is better.  She woke up with a fever and cold early Tuesday morning at 3:30/4:30 AM? and has had a fever off and on and horrible congestion, trying to get into her chest ever since. I had hoped she would be on the up end of it now, but she just can't seem to break it.  Maybe she keeps re-infecting herself or Maybe she's not getting enough nutrients since she's not that interested in food. She does want milk all day, but I have heard that milk makes congestion worse, so I am almost thinking I should start giving her some low sugar applejuice in place of some of the milk. I have been watering some of it down so she's not getting to much, but afraid she's not getting enough, ha!

I am going to make a Valentine box for Nik to put her Valentines in, and one for me. I am in charge of the Valentines Day party for my colleagues at work (well it was my idea), and I am in charge of all the "moral boosters" at my work is what they call them, parties/celebrations is what I call them.  I told my team that they have to bring sweets and also Valentines for everyone. They all laughed and said, I was back in grade school, but by the end of this week, everyone was talking about it and making Valentine boxes to put ther Valentines in. Who doesn't love giving anf receiving Valentines?  And, making little Valentine treat baggies for all Nik's "classmates" at her "preschool"/daycare, and my nieces and nephew.  So excited!!

I just love V-day, and I have to work till 7 PM Valentines day, can you beleive that?  Ugh!  I got the worse schedule ever this month, bc I turned my schedule the morning after it was due, and they wouldn't accept it.  So, I just decided to embrace it, no one would have taken it anyway if I tried to give it up, ha!  Hubs doesn't get home till after me usually, so it will probably be a pizza or maybe a take-out night, which is fine by me.

Hope you all have a good one!  Happy Hearts Day! XOXO

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Pregnancy: Week 22

***BIG SONOGRAM TODAY***  Hubs and Nik came along!

DATE: February 10, 2011

How far along: 22 Weeks

Total Weight Gained: Unknown, never weighed myself before baby (insane I know)

Current Weight: 132.8
(seems high this far along, guess I better lay off the Ghiradeli and Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies, ha ha)

Weeks 22-24 (Month 5): Papaya  Our Baby is a Papaya!!  I LOVE that word!  Good Lord, as big as my tummy is, I hope that baby is bigger than a Papaya or else I am going to be in trouble!

Average size: 10.5-11.8 inches, 12.7-20.8 oz.

Nipples are sprouting, and face is fully formed!

Your Baby: Month 5
Watch what you say -- baby is now able to hear outside noise from down in the womb. Studies show that baby finds gentle music and your own voice most soothing. Nipples are starting to sprout, and that little face is fully formed. And, baby's starting to settle into sleep cycles, snoozing about 12 to 14 hours a day. It shouldn't be hard to figure out when -- just pay attention to those kicks as they start and stop.

Maternity Clothes: No.  Ironically my jeans still fit, at least one pair do. But starting the get tighter at the button/fly.

Sleep: Good.  Sleeping on my left side, which I always do anyway.  A pillow between my legs is most comfortable, but I usually wake up and it's somehwere else in the bed or on the floor.

Best Moment of the Week: Sonogram today. Seeing you move, and knowing you are healthy and growing right on track.  The sono-tech had the baby play peek-a-boo with Nikolina and you, using the wand and she loved it. Having my whole family together in one room was pretty amazing!  Watching her meet you was pretty amazing!  Can't wait till the real thing!

Food Cravings: Oranges. Vitamin Water. Grilled Cheeses.

Food Aversions: None, but staying away from Caffeine and Soda.

Gender: We didn't find out today. Hubs was amazing, and is going to wait to find out with me, I think,
hee hee.  I almost caved, I felt so bad for him, he was so sad/dissapointed:(

Symptoms: Big belly!  This baby is getting BIG FAST!  If I lay on the couch on my back, I get really bad lower back pain, and start to feel sick (bc your blood flow slows down unless you are on your left side). Also, tying my shoes laces on the side, and can't see the bottem of my tummy anymore.

What I miss: Flat belly, cocktails (usually only when family/friends are celebrating,otherwise, doesn't bother me:)

What I'm looking forward to: Decorating the Nursery. Nikolina becoming more aware that there is a Baby in mommy's tummy that she will be able to help take care of when he/she is born!  Maternity pictures.  And, now I can continue to say, finding out the sex of the baby!  And, also, really getting excited to meet this little one.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Tick Tock...

Tomorrow's the BIG (SONOGRAM) DAY!  Hubs and I battled today on finding out the sex. I think he caved and will wait to find out, but now I feel bad, he wants to know so bad, he's pouting/brooding about it, saying there's no point for him to go to the sonogram. I am going to take Nik since this will be the last sonogram we have till the baby is born.  The last sonograms, they didn't use the wand on my tummy, and I think it freaked her out a little. Since they will put the wand on my tummy this time, I am thinking she won't be as freaked out this time. I think she thinks they are hurting Mommy. 

Tonight though, when I said the baby was kicking, she put her hand on my tummy several times, and rubbed it. When you ask her where "Mommy's Baby" is, she points to her tummy and says "here, here," or points to my tummy.  But, she is more into babies she can touch/see.  Everytime I mention a baby, she always asks for "bella" who is my niece that lives in Orland Park, IL.  It kills me that we can't just hop in the car and go over to their house to see them. I miss them so much across the distance. It does make our time together when we visit that much more special though. And I must say, I do love that they live in the Chicago suburbs, just kind of wished we lived there with them, ha. Though, I do love our hometown.

Hubs is so sad, but I tried to explain it to him this way, "If Christmas where tomorrow, you'd be really excited for the day, but how would you feel when December 25 came?"  Or, I said, "I could tell you the gift I was going to give you, but wouldn't you rather I wrap it up, and you not know?"  I mean, to me, one of the best parts of Christmas is the anticipation and build up, same with your wedding, and with the birth of your child. I fyou haev the means to wait, why not?

I just love that not finding out is the same way our parents and our grandparents had their births.  And, not knowing will prevent me from going out and buying a bunch of stuff we can't afford, ha!  This way, I know I will not go out and buy yellow/green stuff, so I think we save money/temptation.  And the room I want is gender neutral, so it works.

Just feel bad for hubs, almost want to find out for him, but I really think not knowing is the best way. I just know I'd regret it if we found out, and you can't take that back.  And he can't keep a secret to save his life!As fast as this pregnancy is going, the baby will be here in no time.  I will probably be packing my overnight bag in a couple of months. I swear the last time, I packed that think for a month over and over, ha!  And didn't even use most of the stuff I packed for the baby.

Baby Garrett is kicking up a storm the past few weeks, and sometimes, very abrupt, sharp kicks that hurt!  Sometimes almost jarr me they happen so suddenly and fast. Think we might have a future Soccer player or Field Goal kicker on our hands, Ouch!  I love every minute of it!  Being pregnant is like being in on a secret that no one else knows about.  It's amazing!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


21 Weeks.

I'll be 22 Weeks Thursday!  Hard to believe we are halfway there!  I don't feel like I am near where I want to be for this new little bundle of joy, but hopefully things will fall into place.  I have a new restored hope, perhaps an early spring???  It' suspposed to warm up this weekend, and I am hoping maybe I can take some pics of the pumpkin and dust off the camera.

We have our BIG sonogram Thursday, I was actually able to keep a scheduled appointment this time with all the overtime and capacity scheduled at work. I didn't have to use my free morning to go to the doctor as I usually do, and I am ecstatic!

Hubs wants to find out the sex, but I am bound and determined not to know. I don't think I can convince him to change his mind, even though I am the one carrying this little love for 9 months, ha!  I just find it so much more old fashioned and nostalgic to not find out, and It gives you that big surprise moment at the end, something to look forward to along the way, ehich your 9 months and ready to pop. I feel like not knowing gets you through those last days where you can't wait to meet your new little life and welcome hm/her into the world.

I am about the most organized person you'll meet, or used to be before working full-time and having a child. So, you would think it would be a nightmare to me no tto know, but for some reason I LOVE not knowing.  Hubs just wants to know if it's a BOY. And, I keep telling him he and I both are going to have nothing to look forward to when he finds out it's a GIRl, as I think it is(him already knowing it's not a BOY, and me not wanting to know). The Chinese Lunar Calendar says it is most asssuredly a GIRL, and I have always found the Calendar to be accurate, as others swear by it's accuracy as well. 

I had hoped for a BOY, but now, I am open to having another GIRL, especially for NIkolina. I never had a sister, my best friend, Mitzi was my adopted sister for most of my youth life,  and I had a couple very close friends as a teenager that were like sisters to me, one into my mid twenties.  Plus already having the clothes that should nearly fit (Nik born late March, and this little one June 16), would be a huge financial plus.

Hopefully, I can convince the hubs to wait with me. He's a HORRIBLE secret keeper, so there's no way he could keep it from me if he found out and I didn't, and I really want it to be a SURPRISE~!  And the nursery decor that I am hoping for (Chic-Nautical Theme with Navy's and Reds and Khakis) will be neutral anyway, if I can convince hubs to help me decorate~!  HE swore he would not do another baby room after Nik.  And, he did such a fabulous job striping and drywalling and molding her her room, tsk tsk, shame to let that talent go un-fettered.

We'll see....

Pumpkim woke up at 4:30 AM with a fever (she started a cold Saturday night) and went back to bed at 6 AM. She is still sleeping now, poor pumpkin:( I am headed to work when she wakes up, and my Papa is going to watch her for the rest of the day.

Monday, February 7, 2011


I'm embarrassed even now to write this as it has been so long since I posted, and I have to apologize, and admit that I have missed writing and you, my friends, dearly.

I lost a piece of myself when our computer broke, and I could no longer upload photos to share with you all and to treasure and explore for myself. So much so, that I stopped picking up my camera. Staring at it sitting there gathtering dust, un-used, un-explored, un-challenged, lonely, sad, empty, well that's kind of how I have felt too.

Work has taken so much joy from me, so much life I have felt ebb away, missing out on my daughter's precious moments of youth and exploration and shared love, that I am having a hard time finding myself again.

Work has been insane, with no spare moment to re-group and find myself. This pregnancy has taken a lot out of me physically, finding only enough energy to take care of Nikolina and put some kind of dinner on the table.  And, the bitter cold of winter with endless snow and ice, and sunless days has done nothing to restore that energy.

Only recenlty have I found the a new found strength to actually finish our laundry that has piled up for weeks, and manage to clean the house and do the dishes. I have finally managed to keep the house clean for two weeks now, staying up till 2 am several nights.

And, the hubs and I have gone back and forth on the bills, our debts, and the budget, which has taken any emotional and mental strength I have had left.  It seems like everytime we get back on our feet, the rug is pulled out from underneath us, whether from our indirect doing, or by what can only be deemed dumb luck. 

I am determined to stay at home with our new child and with Nikolina.  And, I cannot rest until the day we make that dream a reality.  I am learning to shop generic, and tell myself I don't need that ice cream, or that unnecessary treat at the store. That stop at the vending machine or the Corporate Cafe could mean not staying home with my child. And, I am learning to do without so that I may be able to watch my children grow.

The other day, just when I thought that I couldn't bear to step outise until the bitter freezing cold and wind to walk the icy, snowy parking lot the length to my car at the end of the work day....I was driving to get Nikolina from daycare and realized that it was 4:50 pm and still sunny.  Through the drab winter, there the sun shone, like a beacon of hope, a ray of light in a cloud of darkness.  A promise of warmer weather, of lazy days in the grass, spring flowers, bubbles and walks to the park, and beautiful photos.  And, my spirit was lifted.

I've been forced to set photography on the back burner.  Most people would see these struggles as a challenge and for so long I did. For so long, I promised myself I would not give up on my dreams, my passion, on the art and light I found through photography. But, I gave in, as I do when excessive "no's" and "you can'ts" were thrown at me.  So many times I have entered giveaways daily, workshops opportunities, membership promotions, raffles in the hopes of getting a leg up. I even wrote a 6 page letter to a radio station during a make-a-wish promotion that went unanswered. 

I have not given up on my goal and my dreams to conquer photography, but until we have the means to further my dreams, I have to wait patiently on this passion that is bursting inside of me, begging to be explored.

A new change at work on our computers, has eliminated accessibility to some of the sites that I searched during the day in my free time to inspire me artistically and through communities, and even here with all of you. I never blogged much at work, but I can't, now even pull up my url any longer.

I'm not here to say, "I'm Back."  Because more than likely, I'm not, but I am trying. I am searching for that person within me that is trying to get back to all of you, trying to find the strength, energy, and the motivation.

Relishing in those little things that bring me so much joy:
Seeing Nikolina's face when I pick her up from daycare for the day
Watching the clock on my phone at work hit 4:30 pm
Watching Nikolina with her Baby and knowing what an amazing Big Sister she will be
Hearing her say "Ma Ma" or "Mommy"
Seeing her first thing in the Morning, after naptime, and last thing at night
Watching her learn
Hugs, snuggles, and kisses
Her joy and excitement at building a snowman in our front yard
Nikolina "cooking" with me
How she likes to play "hide and seek" and to "hide"
Laying my head on my pillow at night
A hot shower
A Chocolate Chip Cookie
Ruffles on clothes
Newsboy Hats
Fingerless gloves
Skinny Jeans
Sexy Lingerie
Katy Perry
Valentines Day
Sleeves that cover your hands with thumb holes
Hearing Nik say "Frosty" which sounds like "Frothy"
Hearing her say "Cruella" which sounds like "Ka lel a"
Hearing her say "I don't know" and put her hands up in a mock gesture
Hearing her say "I did it," "Mommy, I did it"
Hearing her say "Oh Man" or "No Way"
Hearing all the new words she learns every day
How she always steals your spot, on purpose
How she lives to jump on the Bed and "Fall down"
Reading to her
Watching her do everything with her baby, I do with her
How she wants to put colored sprinkles on EVERYTHING
Feeling the baby move/kick
Watching my jeans become too tight to zip or button
Dreaming of a Nursery
Dreaming of an Immaculate house, and an endless amount of time to clean it in
Dreaming of the time to be the organized person that I am
Dreaming of a computer and Photoshop, a workshop, and all the photo books I can find
And, dreaming of staying at home with my children.

Love to all XOXO