Thursday, September 17, 2009

Baby Blues!

This title has a three-fold purpose. First off, Nik has been a little fussy lately, and it has me concerned. It seems like it has started since I stopped coming to visit her on my lunch break. I have had to start pumping on my lunch hour, and am only allotted two other 20 min intervals in which to pump during my work day. I have tried to set my alarm many times for 2 am to pump, when your milk is most plentiful, but I always hit the snooze button. So, Nik's been a little fussy lately, and she only calms down when she is held. I will not admit to any nonsense that she is being spoiled (Daddy). How can a child that goes to daycare be spoiled? It's virtually impossible. Either way, it has me concerned that something is wrong, and I wish that the little pumpkin could just tell me what it is. I think she is missing her mommy, she is needing more loving, and/or more nourishments. So, today I sent her off with some cereal to eat for lunch in addition to her bottle. We have been feeding her once a day, but maybe it is time to step it up to twice a day, and/or add some more formula to the breastmilk. Yesterday, when I arrived home from work at 6 pm, after stopping at the grocery store, she was screaming when I came through the door, and she had just eaten at 4pm. I was able to calm her, and took her in the nursery to nurse her in the rocking chair. So, our baby has the Baby Blues! It's got me wishing that 1. I could stay home with her. 2. We could afford an in-home nanny, so she could get adequate one on one quality care. 3. That I could pinpoint whether the problem is our current childcare situation, Nik needing her mommy, a nourishment issue, or something else entirely. Could our little pumpkin be getting some little pumpkin toofers soon??

Secondly, the little Pumpkin's eyes are still blue, and has me wondering, when and/or if they are going to change. I think there is still time, so we will just have to see. It will be so strange to one day wake-up and the little pumpkin's eyes will be a different color! Maybe, it will be a gradual change. And, Please make sure you scroll down to the bottom if you haven't heard the song entitled, "Safe in My Arms," it talks about 'Baby Blues'. It reminds me of the pumpkin and brings me to near tears, every time I hear it. It also has autobiographical significance for me, so I am always comforted when I hear it. It is also the theme song on one of my fav blogs, which is one of the reasons I was so drawn to the blog/author.

Thirdly, those Baby Blues will be mine one more day a week!!! Daddy has said that Mommy can start staying home one day a week, during her work week to watch the pumpkin and take care of things around the house!!! EEEK!!! Obviously, you can imagine that is somewhat challenging to get everything done when you work 40 hours a week, and try and balance a work life with your home life and family. Obviously, you have to spit yourself between the two, and you end up giving less than you would like of yourself to both causes. Both aspects suffer as a result. I had mastered the role of MOM, then I had to jump back into the WORK LIFE, and it was hard to give 110% to BOTH. I am one of those people who does not like doing anything 1/2 way. If it's not 100%, I don't want anything to do with it. Going back to work as a New Mommy, made that difficult bc you can't be two places at once, and one has to give way to the other, they are going to intertwine and rub/bump each other. Over time, I have managed to better handle the two roles. And now, when I'm at Work, I'm at Work, and when I'm Home, I'm Home, but there are times that they overlap. No one can know the pain of leaving your child with someone else unless you do it every day, and I would not wish that on anyone. And each person's pain and experience with that situation is different and unique to each individual person.

So, I have 5 weeks un-paid family bonding left that I have to use before the pumpkin turns one, and Daddy said that I can start taking one day a week to watch the pumpkin, as long as I am taking care of things around the house:) So, I 'll take what I can get. With some help, maybe the pumpkin will only be attending daycare 2 days a week now!! And that, my friends, is a miracle:

"There are only two ways to live your life. One as though Nothing is a Miracle, the other as though EVERYTHING is a Miracle." Albert Einstein
(That quote is hanging in the pumpkin's nursery).


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