So, dark post today, kinda...
Ummm.....am I the only one that DOESN'T know that
It was beautiful this weekend, but kinda bordering on hot, I think it was just that the SUN felt extra, extra hot, not necessarily that it was HOT outside. So, as you know, I have been having a difficult time sayng good-bye to Summer, since it is the pumpkin's first summer being 1, and she is SO MUCH FUN RIGHT NOW!
So, I decided that I was going to relish the last Indian Summer days and take my little pumpkin to the pool. I even went so far as to invite my sis-in-law and Nik's cousins to go with us, and then discovered that the local water park that my company owns closed after Labor day (snub nose). Here Nik is in full Swim gear, me in full swim gear, bags/towels packed, big pink VW Bug car floatie in hand. I then decided that the pumpkin and I would go to my parents country club (humprfh) instead. Loaded the pumpkin in the car, drove over there, and TA DA, they are closed as well.
It was like a slap in the face!! SUMMER OVER!!!! I didn't try any more pools after that. Deciding, they had won-made a fool out of me. Here I was thinking that I could make up for the fact that Nik and I had only been to the pool a handful of times by cramming all these Indiam Summer Pool days in before it's officially Fall, and WHAMMO, NADA, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!
Oh, my pumpkin, I'm so sorry. If I had known, I wish I had known. I will make a promise to my next children that I will not have any more children until I am a SAHM, promise. Then, we can spends loads of days at the pool, relishing the summer days. If that means Nik is an only child, than I guess so be it, That's it. It's like, you go all week long, and then when the weekend comes, I can barely get out the door much less plan a Pool Outing, and then there's time spent with family and cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and errands and you then, you are just left wondering where the summer went. And before you know it. THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE POOL OPEN AND YOU ARE DRIVING AROUND DRESSED IN SWIM GEAR WITH A BIG PINK VW BUG FLOATIE IN YOUR CAR AND NO POOL TO GO TO.
Yes, that was us. I felt like the Biggest Dufus. I felt like people were looking at us driving by with this BIG FLOATIE in the car thinking, what are you thinking SILLY GIRL. DO YOU HAVE MOMMY BRAIN??? There are NO POOLS OPEN AFTER LABOR DAY!! DUH!!!
Thank goodness for "water parks" bc I found a local park with the cushy floors and pop-up water sprinkers sytems, etc, and I took Nik there instead. Hubs was like, just come back home, and I stated, no, a promise is a promise, and I said we were going to the pool, and this was the closest thing to it. I will not break my promise. Nik ended up having a blast, and the local subdivision was having a huge party there, and there were HOARDS of kids all over going CRAZY!! It was a little overwhelming, but Nik LOVED it! She played in the water sprinkers, and I was asked to play in them as well, and she climbed all over the playground equiptment and slides. I don't have any pics bc it was just Nik and I, since Hubs was cleaning the Garage. BUT, it they happen to stay open a little longer (fingers crossed, that yesterday wasn't the last dayXX), I will def take Nik back so I can get some pics of her before they close for the year.
ON TO MONDAY...
The pumpkin screamed and cried, and threw a tantrum when I left her at daycare today. I am walking out, and my heart is breaking as I hear her Teacher trying to calm her down as I walk away. And, I feel like, all I do is walk away from her, ALL THE TIME. I am always turning my back on her. I'm not sure what she thinks about it. It only reaffirms for me that I refuse to have any more children until I can stay at home with them. I will not go through this again, and I will not put another child through this. I will not have my heart breaking over and over and over again anymore. I will not have any more breakdowns in the car, tears streaming down my face on the way to work, like a lunatic. I don't know how other Mommies do it. I just can't do it anymore. I just do not have that resolve and strength. I will never forgive myself for it.
And, vending machine ate my animal crackers today, again, so grrrr, roar, ugh, blah to you Monday. One day, I will love Mondays, one day. When all I have to worry about is food on the couch, crayon all the wall, bumps on the head, yucky noses, a dirty house, burnt food, a crazy dog, and TONS AND TONS OF HUGS AND KISSES AND CUDDLES AND SNUGGLES from the pumpkin.
Hope your Monday is looking better than mine...Love to all.