Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not Me Monday...

"Not Me Monday" blog carnival was created  MckMama. You can see how she and many others did not spend their Mondays here: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/.

This is my first Not me Monday (I have wanted to do it in the past, but bc I work on Mondays, there usually isn't much to say that's worth talking about.  I was at home today with the Pumpkin who has a Bronchial infection, and is currently on a Z-Pak but I tried to lay low today bc it was a busy week (+end) for the little pumpkin, and I wanted her to rest.  So, I also would like to muse you with our going on-ings this past weekend, if you don't mind, so here goes....

I absolutely did not, upon hearing the sick pumpkin wake up in the middle of the night (morning) stumble out of bed and bring her back into our bed to nurse her bc I was too exhausted to sit upright and rock her for 30-45 minutes in the rocker in her room.  My husband hates that, and I absolutely would not so that.

I absolutely DID NOT pick our sick crying daughter back up, out of the crib, when I just placed her there, and continue to nurse her until she fell back asleep for the night.  I woudl not ruin all that we have set in place with the CRY IT OUT method simply bc she is sick and it breaks my heart to see her this way, and I blame myself, and if I leave her she'll just stuff her nose up and create more nose stuff.  So, really I did not do this!!  That would be a step back for us.

I absolutely did not wake up and let our black lab, Diez, out to go to the bathroom, and after checking on him for the second time, discover that the back gate had been left open somehow, and he had escaped and was now running rampid (wearing mens boxers shorts and a very large surgery cone on his head) on this cold winter morning.

I absolutely did not, upon discovering this, then quickly grab our Pumpkin (clad in her froggy feety pajama's), throw winter gear on her, and throw her in our Chevy Tahoe to go looking for said Pup.  I also did not, I repeat, did not, throw a Black Winter Dress Coat on over a white robe, wearing only underwear underneath, glasses, and Leopard Print Winter Boots and Hat go driving around looking for our pup througout the neighborhood (for an hour and a half).  If someone saw me that would just be horrendous and, I absolutely ywould not be caught dead looking like that.

I also did not, upon hearing the news that he had been found and captured by the City Pound, and we could "happily" come pick him up at any time, and "happily" pay them for picking up said dog (after wasting all morning looking for him, thinking that he was out there, when he was actually sitting, prisoner at the pound).  I DID NOT call my husband and confess to him that maybe we should leave said recovering  puppy at the city pound indefinently to "teach him a lesson."  I love that dog, and I absolutely would not say that, I especially would not mean it.  That would be cruel, and I am not like that.  Not at all.

I also did not take my sick daughter to the mall (for just one thing, really!) and end up spending OVER TWO HOURS there!!  Also, I absolutely did not dress her in a carters outfit that was too small for her, with socks that were too big, with no bow in her hair to go shopping, bc it was easier than changing her.  I absolutely would not take my daughter out looking like a scrub-a-muffin!  That would just be humiliating to her, and I always make sure that she looks better than I do, even if that means I am wearing dirty, wrinkled clothes, covered in white/clear baby spit-up and crunchy baby food stains, and no shower, and having not brushed my hair, and second day old make-up.

I also did not, while checking out in a department store, accept a coupon from the gentle, older woman behind the cash wrap, who confessed that although she isn't supposed to give coupons out to customers, that she, upon noticing that I did not have a ring on my left hand (as I neglected to put it on that morning), that she wanted to help me out mother to mother, as she herself, raised two children on her own!!  I would not take advantage of someone's generousity and good will like that to save a few dollars, absolutely, I would not do something like that!

I did not, while trying on clothes in a fitting room, I did not, I repeat, DID NOT, nurse my daughter in said fitting room while other people were needing to utilize a room.  Who nurses their child in public??  Not me, that is not appropriate.  I would not condone such behavior.

I also DID NOT, strip my restless daughter in the middle of a store, while in her stroller, while we were shopping, to try a (sale) shirt on her bc I did not want to purchase it if it did not fit her, and did not to come back to the mall  at a later date to return said item.  I did not then, realize that that was horrendous and attempt to move said baby and stoller into the fitting room, only to have said stroller (weighed down with purses, diaper bags, and sale items) nearly tip over with my child inside.  That would be horrible, to put a child through all that for some sale items.  Just simply outrageous!  That does not sound like me.  Not at all.

I also did not, upon check-out, while searching in my purse, allow my restless daughter, that I had just put back in stroller after NOT trying on clothes in the fitting room, I did not, not notice that she was crawling out of said stroller, and she did not, then slide out, and she did not, then hit her head every so slightly (but with a noticeable thud) on the tile floor of the store in front of the sales people and a slew of shoppers.  THAT DID NOT HAPPEN!!  That would be HORRIBLY IRRESPONSIBLE of me to allow that to happen!!  NEGLECTFUL, and VERY UN-CLASSY and UN-SOPHISTICATED.  And, that same baby, DID NOT, then begin to cry very LOUDLY in front of those salespeople and shoppers.  That did not happen. 

I vow that I did not pre-imtively purchase a newborn suede/wool Winter Baby Bag for next winter.  I would not be so presumptious to do something like that, NOT ME!!

I also did not, feed my 9 month old daughter gerber poofs and breastmilk for TWO MEALS for TWO DAYS bc we were shopping, instead of allowing her to sit down and have something more substantial (in all fairness, she hasn't been eating lately bc of her cold, really, she hasn't!)  I also do not park (and leave the car running and listen to talk radio) in parking lots and nurse my daughter (tinted windows) while running errands or in-between window shopping.  That could tramatize someone that was driving by or might happen to park RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, while you are MILES from the entrance to the store.  That is tacky, and I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT do that REPEATEDLY over and over and OVER again! 

I also did not make my fussing daughter wait in a way too long line at Starbucks while I purchased a ridiculously expensive Frapuccino.  I would not do that to her to support a selfish desire for such luxuries.  I also did not go through the car wash simply bc I enjoy going through car washes (I can't help it!).  That would be a waste of money, and I would not so such a silly, ridiculous thing.  I also did not, while waiting in a ridiculously long line at the drive-thru pharmacy, I did not put the car in park and crawl to the back seat to take pictures of my little pumpkin asleep with her head falling limply from her headrest.

I promise to you, I DID NOT ALLOW my daughter to nap in the running parked car, in the driveway while I ran inside and put some clothes in the washer and dryer.  I also did not unload the dishwasher, let the dog out, look for a receipt and put some clothes away.  A carseat is not a crib, and I should not allow my daughter who has not been napping well during the day bc she has been sick, I should not allow her to nap in said vehicle (all the while checking on her) while I attend to some much needed house chores.  That would be WRONG!

I DID NOT take my sick daughter to church with me, while her Daddy worked, because I needed to go for myself.  I would not do that to her, or risk anyone getting sick (I mean, I would sit in the very back, and really she loves going to church, and she is the happiest baby even though she is sick, and she is on an antibiotic, and we wouldn't shake hands with anybody).  I just simply wouldn't that.  I also would NOT be late to said church bc I was cleaning out our car in the driveway, while our child was not asleep in the carseat (not again).  I mean I have time to clean the car out, why would I need to do it now, when I know that I am going to be late.  It's not like I have some insane tick where I have to finish what I start, right then, immidately, or it DRIVES ME NUTS!! I DO NOT have that prblem!  I also would NEVER, EVER create my own parking space for myself (at CHURCH), in a space where there wasn't a parking space, bc I WAS LATE, and it was COLD, and I HAD A SICK BABY ALL BY MYSELF!!  THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN!!

I also would NOT allow my child to do this...

Or, this...

And, I certainly WOULD NOT create a make-shift play pin with furniture trapping my daughter in a confined space while I vacummed the floors.  And I WOULD NOT go in to the other room to vacumm while said daughter ripped up Daddy's Golf Digest Magazines.  I also would not knowingly allow my daughter to strip Daddy's bookshelves in his office of every book on the shelf, bc I was putting away laundry in the other room.  I WOULD NOT knowingly allow her to do that, as it would set a bad example for possible future similar actions.  I also WOULD NOT open a Diet Coke and place it "within my daughter's reach," and then go into the other room.  I WOULD NOT then notice that said daughter had gotten very quiet and then I WOULD NOT go back out into the room with said daughter to discover that said daughter was DRINKING that DIET COKE STRAIGHT FROM THE CAN, WITH A DIET COKE MUSTACHE, WITH DIET COKE ALL DOWN THE FRONT OF HER SHIRT, THE OTTOMON, AND THE FLOOR.  THAT CERTAINLY WOULD NOT BE ME!!

I absoltely, positively, HAVE NOT allowed our daughter to nap with me and on me while she was sick this past week, when I have watched her.  That would be hypocritical of me, as I have made my mother stop partaking in such actions and expressed my discouragement to our daycare provider for doing the same thing.  I would not do such things to simply let the poor sick child sleep when she so deperately needs the strenth to get better and fight this thing.  That would be  HUGE step back as we are trying to instill in her the independance and confidence to sooth herself back to sleep.

I also DID NOT, DID NOT spend the whole weekend shopping, running errands, and LOVING on the Pumpkin instead of cleaning the house, doing the dishes, taking down Christmas decorations that are not STILL up, and getting to some badly needed re-organizing that I have been putting off for some time now.  That would be irresponsible as a wife and homemaker, and that SIMPLY IS NOT ME!!

I swear to that our CHRISTMAS TREE IS NOT STILL UP IN THE MIDDLE OF JANUARY because it is simply TOO BEAUTIFUL to take down!! (don't worry, if said tree were still up, said tree would be artificial)  But, I as a lover of all holidays and a celebrater of all holidays, I would not be delaying putting Valentines Day decerations up bc I DO NOT HAVE THE HEART TO TAKE DOWN OUR BEAUTIFUL TREE.  People don't keep Christmas Trees up in the middle of January.  That is pure procrastination at it's best, and that DOES NOT sound like me at all.  I absolutely WILL NOT wait to late to take it down, and put up Valentines Day decorations right before Valentines Day and leave THEM up too long!!

That does NOT sound like me at all.


  1. found you through mclinky on mckmama! Hilarious! The best i've read so far!!

  2. wow, you sure had a lot of 'not me's' to share! thank you for brightening my day! i can't tell you how many times i've had to nurse my twins in our explorer in the store parking lot while my older boys patiently waited in their car seats with the promise of a treat when i was done...

  3. Just found your blog...this is hilarious! I have an 8 (almost 9) month little girl too. And I would so not let my Bug sleep in her car seat in the car while did stuff around the house either. ;)

  4. Hilarious!! And it sure rings a bell when my guy was the same age as your pumpkin! Don't be so hard on yourself! We all have to cut corners and do things as best we can when we have little ones!

    (and pssst...I absolutely do not still have my tree up, too!!) :)