2.

I hope to upload some photos from the Pumpkin's 2nd Birthday soon. Our French Poodle Hot Pink/Zebra themed party. 

I can't believe our little pumpkin is 2. 

I must say I was not too happy with the photos I took on her birthday.  And, this frustrated me.  I have just been really off with photography lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe my frustrations at not having a working computer to upload photos to, or not being able to go where I want to go with photography.  Maybe it's not having the energy to and time to put what I need to into my photography.  And the two times I tried to get photos with the pumpkin, she was chasing her cousin around, and I couldn't get her to sit still with me. She had a great birthday though, and I can finally get some sleep now hopefully.  Except, I do have to move on to the Nursery now that I am finished with the hubs birthday and her big 2nd Birthday celebration. 

Next is my birthday, but that is not until Easter Sunday, and thankfully, I will be in Chicago with my family, and hopefully won't have to worry about entertaining or cleaning.  I am kind of excited that my birthday falls on Easter this year, kind of something fun, unique and different.

Nik ended up having two birthday parties (one on her actual birthday wth family & then her Big 2nd Birthday party with friends and family) and we took Mother/Daughter Maternity photos the same week with my sister-in-law.  It has been a crazy week. 48 Barefoot Contessa coconut cream cheese cucakes, 4 dozen iced "bones" and "high heels" scratch sugar cookies, oreo balls, Pink Poodle cupcakes that got nixed in the final stages because I couldn't find pink Circus peanuts anywhere but online, appetizers, pasta salads, tea sandwhiches, party planning and a near disaster with the Oopsy Daisy skirt and Rosette Tank. Grocery shopping, more grocery shopping, and more grocery shopping. Cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning.  I am exhausted, but I have been so hyped up the last few weeks, I feel like I still can't sit still. After staying up nights till12:30, 3:30, 5:30 am, and then all night the night before her actual birthday, after the party, I still found myself cleaning everything up, and passing out on my parents couch at 11:30 pm.

It's getting closer to the due date, and I can't help but wonder where the time went.   We waited so late to tell everyone, and I have been so busy with work, taking care of NIk, holidays, showers, and birthdays, that I can barely believe we only have 2 1/2 months left (10 weeks Thursday).  I find myself trying to mentally slow time down.  I am so excited to welcome this new little pupmkin, but worried about my little pumpkin at home. I so want to treasure these last weeks I have her all to myself, hoping that she welcomes this new little brother or sister with a welcome and open heart.  She does love her Mommy time. I just want to be able to give them both the time and lvoe they deserve and not feel completely overwhelmed.

Talking with my mother yesterday, I mentioned to her that when she passes there are a few things that I want for myself and my family, but mainly everything else I am more than happy to share with my family and extended family.  Family photographs was one that was very important to me. I hope to line my future homes with loads of antique, old fashioned, photography of my parents family and of my own family. The other thing I mentioned to her was my Grandfather's antique cameras.  I didn't know this until recently, but my mother's father loved photography and when he died it was very important to my mother to keep his cameras and a bulk of their family photographs.  My mother told me how she was heatbroken bc one of his cameras she believes was accidently thrown out. I can't help wondering which camera it was, what it looked like, if I could have somehow located someone to restore it, and can't help but carry that loss as well. A piece of my Grandfather and what was was important to him gone forever; something that is just as important to me, a newfound shared passion with the Grandfather I never met, who died shortly before my mother was married to my father. 

I found myself wondering about him and his passion, his interest in photography, and wondered if he didn't somehow pass that passion and love and desire through to me.  To carry on his legacy and create these memories for our families and generations to come, and I found myself getting teary eyed over it.   I found myself wishing I had had the opportunity to meet him and learn about his passion and love of photography, to have him teach me about life as Grandfathers do.  A desire to pour out my ideas and thoughts about photography and to hear his own, and share that passion with him, and learn through him.  And, a yearning desire to finish his legacy and honor him and my own family through my own pursuit of photography.  I hope to make him proud one day and honor his passion through my own shared passion, love, and photgraphy. 

I found myself hoping and praying that Nikolina and our children will have many, many years with their Grandfathers to share that special bond that only Grandfathers and grand children do. Having never met my mothers father, and losing my dad's father when I was 10, I am thankful for the memories that I do have of my father's father, and hope that Nikolina will have that too with her grandfathers.

XOXO