Flash Dance.

When my sister-in-laws trips were still babies, she purchased little leggings for them similar to the ones that Nik has on here, and I adored them. As Fall approached, I searched for them online, and discovered 1. there are several different brands 2. they have many adorable patterns, and I was having a hard time deciding and 3. they were on the expensive side. As we are on a budget, I put it on the back burner. Then, I saw online that one maker carried them at Target. I had never seen them there, so I figured our store didn't keep them in stock. Then during a trip to Target, I searched for them, and discovered that they did have a couple designs, and they were a little more affordable ($10 a piece), and no shipping cost! I picked her up two pairs, and I LOVE THEM!!! Mommy has some leg warmers too, and it reminds me of (14 years in) dance. Also, the movie Flash Dance.

I love the movie Flash Dance or any movie about dancing. As a dancer growing up, I lived for dance. LOVED IT! That was my thing. I did participate in sports/cheerleading (loved) during grade school, and cheerleading (life) in highschool, but as a child, Dance was everything to me. Sure, sometimes I dreaded going to dance class, but I have some great memories being in the Nutcracker as a child, and all the dance recitals at our Scottish Rite Temple, which is now called Center for the Performing Arts. I have such good memories of eagerly waiting in the darkened staircases and backstage, only illuminated by the light from the stage, in a line, being hushed by a teacher, waiting to go out on stage, and seeing the lights of the stage, and all the people in the audience, and can only describe as what I now know to be adrenaline, anticipation, excitement, and sheer nervousness. I remember running around the basement of the building before recitals, and there were tables set up everywhere, with mothers and daughters, and costumes, and "Caboodles" filled with make-up and little girls running around with curlers in their hair, getting their photos taken. I loved it! I wanted to grow up and be a dancer, singer, performer.

Enter highschool. Puberty hit (actually hit 7th grade, boobs 5th), enter boobs, and curves, insecurities, unfamiliarity (shame?) with a young woman's body, and a weakened self-esteem, and I gave up on dance, and never looked back. I missed it terribly, and always wondered where I'd be if I hadn't given up on it. It was the one thing I was passionate about, that eventually gave way to cheerleading. But, I always look back fondly on dance. It was an outlet for me to shine, and I did shine. Brought tears to my mom's eyes, pride (like I had never seen). There was something about being up there. Especially as I was older, and when I did solos, I remember looking out, and as a solo artist they put a spotlight on you (which they don't do as a class) and it's actually really wonderful because you can't see the audience. And, it's just you and the routine. It's art. And your nervous and excited and scared and determined. And then, at the end, you hear a theatre of people clapping for you, and you feel pride and joy, and it's an amazing thing. And, I hope that my daughter gets to experience that one day. Dance to little girls is the epitome of all things girly (until the level that curves become frowned upon), and I just hope she gets to experience that. My little ballerina. Tutus, tights, ribbons, and curls, and leg warmers, of course.

So, she wears these little leg warmers, and I always Flash Dance when she's got them on, and Nik Flash Dances too. I just love the way her little feet look in them and her little chunky monkey yummy legs.

In other things, Stellan is doing better, and another surgery tomorrow, and I just will be so relieved when tomorrow is over, and Stellan is safe and well and back home with his family. I have been on pins and needles for him these past weeks. My stomach and my heart just tied up in knots, like he was my own child. My co-worker asked me what was wrong with me today, because I didn't know how he was doing, and I was just a wreck--enough that people were asking me what was up, I wasn't myself. Ever since my daughter starting growing in my belly I have just been a basket case. I feel like Mother Earth. Sick with worry, and emotions all over the place. Weeping at dead bugs and squirrels, to say the least. Don't get me started if it's actually something furry or human. It's just been ridiculous. Then today, I was reading my new issue of Parents magazine (December Issue) and read this story about a family and their Christmas Tree (you should check it out!) and here I was crying in the breast pump room. Just ridiculous. And crying at the Veterans Memorial at work today. I mean, I am just an emotional wreck since motherhood. Weeping around at ladybugs that appears to have a broken wing. If I kill a spider in our house (and I have to because I am terribly afraid of them and they give me the heeby jeebies), I feel horrible afterwards bc I might have killed some spider's mother, father, sister, brother, daughter, son, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. Insane.

God be with you Stellan.

Pruney.

Nik loves prunes. They tend to be the messiest for her, but I can't help but laugh and smile when I see them all over her face. My little Grandma!

I needed a smile and a laugh after checking in with Stellan and the McKinney's. Stellan has a pulse back in his leg, and is getting some warmth and color, but I am still concerned about the bacteria in his lungs, and then another complicated surgery on Thursday. Ugh! My heart goes out to this little guy! I just can't believe he's been through this much, and all that he has had to endure. It just makes my stomach turn, and those pics, I just found myself tearing up at the sight. It's heartbreaking and heart lifting at the same time. God be with you, Stellan.

In other news, Nik has been headed towards crawling for a few weeks now. Josh and I have all wood floors (as does my mother, who watches Nik once a week) in our "ranch style" home, and we have an area rug that we put Nik on for tummy time, but she has never much moved on it. Then on our anniversary when my mother-in-law watched Nik she put her down on the carpet and she said, that she scooted backward 1/4 the length of the floor! And when we realized all she needed was carpet to get moving, we out her down every chance we got at my in-laws, and discovered she could do a full turn too! After that, she would get down into the crawl position all the time too, if she was on the bed or the couch or the floor. She gets really high up on her arms, gets that little scoot back and forth motion, and she gets the knee action moving too! And, tonight, I think I can say with enough gumption that she crawled her first crawl! Well, she moved forward twice by pushing off her tip toes, and lunging forward. She definitely has her own style!! I told Josh it's kind of luck how a runner shoots forward from a block. She is soooooo close!! I can't wait for this step for her. It is so huge for her little person, and her little world. It will change her whole world! We also started practicing standing, and her little legs are so strong. For a couple months, she's been able to balance against out ottoman, and she can balance very well when you hold her in front of you while standing. When you walk with her, she;s very good at taking steps, and I can tell she's very excited about all these new ways for her to get around and interact with others. But, I can't wait till it's a huge crawl, and I can tell everyone I ever met that our little pumpkin is officially mobile!!! Then, I'll be in big trouble!

On another note, I am baking 6 dozen cookies tonight, so I have got to get back to that. I will be visiting everyone who commented recently very soon, and I need to get over to SITS too. But, got to get baking while the pumpkin is still sleeping. **On that note, she has been going down a little easier the past couple nights. Thank Goodness! It's still not where we were prior to the teething and the colds, and the flus, but better:)

From my Generation to Yours...

40 Years! And counting...Happy Anniversary Seaseme Street! I remember watching Seaseme Street every now and then as a child. I loved that movie Big Bird's Big Adventure, or something similar, when Big Bird left Seaseme Street and went to the Big City, only to find that there was no place like home. I can't remember if I had a favorite character, I think I liked them all. Unbelievable that they have been going strong that many years, and that they will be around for my own daughter to share and enjoy!

In other News, please continue to pray for Stellan ad his family, as he is stable, but is experiencing some complications after surgery. My butterflies are back. God be with you Stellan.

All, I want for Christmas...

I'm trying to get a better photo of it, but I can never get Nik to 1. Hold still and 2. Show me her two little teefers coming in. The outline was there for a while, and a couple of weeks ago, we broke through the surface on the right bottom tooth, and the second one came through early last week. The outline of the top right tooth became visible last week. Pretty soon, my little pumpkin will have toofers, and as daddy said, "alright, now you can bite people." Ha! Watch out, Mom!

Amen.

Good News. Stellan's Ablation was successful, and he is SVT free!! What good, good, good, wonderful news to hear! I have been sick about it, and am so utterly relieved to know that he is doing so well, I have to say I had dozens of little buterflies fluttering in my tummy. I am beyond myself with happiness, joy, relief, and praise for God, and miracles, and prayer. Please continue to pray for Stellan and his family as he recovers, the little guy has been through a lot, and he has a fever currently that we need to get rid of. God bless.

Biding time.

Please, please pray for Stellan and the McKinney's. I just read that Stellan's ablation (that was scheduled for Tuesday) is being moved up, and they need our prayers now more than ever. You can keep updated and share their story here:http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ or click the prayer button on the right side bar.
God be with all of you.

A Plan.

This past Saturday, I found out a great person that I've had the opportunity to meet through my career, lost his father on Friday. I thought a lot about what he must be going through, though I know that I can never really know. I thought about the loss and the pain that he must be experiencing, along with, hopefully, a celebration of his father's life. Today, a friend, forwarded me his father's obituary, my friend's father (mother) lived in Iowa, and it was just the most beautiful thing I'd heard in a while. It really hit home for me, and I found myself tearing up in the elevator a few minutes later. I stopped myself from full on having a mini-breakdown, but I just got to thinking, life is so unpredictable. Here, I am at work, listening to someone complain about something that was an accident, and something that's fixable, and this person thinks their world is over and they are furious with this person who clearly did not set out to ruin this person's life. How frivolous it all seems. As I sit here, my friend is burying his father. People all over the world are burying their loved ones, watching as their loved ones are facing death, waiting as their loved one undergoes a life threatening surgery, hoping and praying that they don't outlive their own children, that their child gets a chance to feel the Spring wind on their face, lay in the sun on a hot Summer day, Dance in a pile of leaves, make Angels in the new fallen snow, pleading that they don't have to face every day without this person. And, it just gets me thinking...I know that their is a higher purpose. I know that God has a plan for each and every person. At least, I tell myself that. I think that many people tell that to themselves, how else could you cope with all the pain and suffering in the world, unless you believed that. And there is so much good. Everyday there is good. But, man is there bad too.
How much or our lives are chance and how much is part of a grander scheme? How much is controlled by us, by our own behavior, and what portion of it is pre-determined by a higher being? Can you prevent a heart attack by lowering your cholesterol, can you prevent a stroke by trying to limit the amount of stress in your life, can you prevent cancer by not smoking? Is that manipulating God's plan by avoiding these factors? Does that makes us in control of our own lives? Or, was it all part of a plan? Do we decide our own fate when we indulge in high risk behaviors? Or are we falling into a plan God has already mapped out for us? Is that why some people who take these risks live long lives, and some people's lives are cut short? They have different plans? What about people that strive to live good lives, and their lives are taken surprisingly, and others who indulge in high risk behaviors go on to live full, long, lives. What about babies that are welcomed to Heaven that have not been given the opportunity to damage their chance at a long life? What about those that are 1 day old, 1 week old, 1 month old? What is their purpose? They haven't even been given a chance. Are their souls given to another body in that case? Since, they haven't the opportunity to live? Do they have souls at 1 minute old? When does one officially have a soul? Babies and children are the hardest for me. All those children at St. Jude, who under go rounds and rounds of chemo therapy and all that they endure? Only to sometimes not make it through to hit a baseball, catch the winning touchdown, see another rainbow, to dance, to fall in love, to feel the love of a child, what's that purpose?
Maybe it's my friend's father's passing, or my husband's uncle passing, or witnessing what the McKinney's are going through with Stellan, or the millions of other people across the world that are dealing with life and death that has got me questioning, why? I know there's a plan, a higher purpose, but why? Does God take a part in everyday occurrences, does he put his hand in things, or does he remain silent and obsolete in everyday matters? Did he just create, and then Adam and Eve fell from his grace, and now each day we live, we make our own destiny, or does God have a hand in it? Is there a Heaven? Or, is that just something we tell ourselves to feel better about death? Will God answer these questions for us when we arrive at the pearly gates? I think I will never receive an answer to these questions. But, I'm okay with that. And, for now, all I can do, is just try and make each day count, live life to the fullest, as if it were my last day here on earth.


James, you are in my thoughts and my prayers. May God's Grace be with you today, and each day forward. May you find solace and comfort in something within yourself, and belief and comfort in a higher purpose. God be with you.