Heavy

Blogging. Doing my homework for SITS. Came across http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/%20Insanely wishing we could snag some of these adorable outfits for the pumpkin! And those bows! Those Southern Ladies. At my house, I put them on Nik, and the hubby takes them off! I could only wish for bows so big!! Adorable!

One of my favorite sites: http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ (I always meant to post about it, but I fet like I could never begin to know how too) It is not my story. It is theirs. I was just blessed enough to be able to touched and moved by it. Found it shortly after the pumpkin was born, while I was BLISSFULLY at HOME. The pumpkin was down for a nap (these were the 4 Hour Nap days), and I discovered their journey, and began reading and couldn't stop. I was sitting there balling my eyes out. If anyone had come in they would think I was having a breakdown or something. I immediately sent the link to Josh (my hubby). When he got home I asked him if he had received it, and he had, but hadn't looked into it. I pulled it up and read to him several blogs and explained the whole story to him. And, I am crying as I am reading it to him. And we are just astonished at this beautiful family and their journey. And their unwavering faith in the Lord. Simply amazing. A few of my fav blogs: the day Audrey was born (April 7, 2008), after her passing (same), Angie's letter to Audrey(April 11, 2008), when Angie and Todd first discovered the challenges they would be given with Audrey(January 12, 2008-introduction blog), the story about Audrey's bunny with the mark on her heart (same), and Audrey's Cherry Blossom Tree blog (Tuesday April 7, 2009-oh my god, I was near hyperventalation). Come on, how much can one person's heart endure? In the Introduction blog, I am still haunted by the words Angie speaks after hearing of Caroline's fate, "I think that my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked into this room." And again, "He's no different, it's okay, He's no different..."

On Kelly's website, she featured the song Angie and Todd wrote for (and sing?) for Caroline
http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/search?updated-max=2009-08-19T16%3A31%3A00-05%3A00&max-results=8 You have to scroll down a little to find it. I had never heard this, and I there I was crying again. To hear their story, see their story, every time, I am brought back to the same place. Each time, it affects me as if it were the first. I can't help but think of my little pumpkin and my abundant love for her. It makes the heart HEAVY to hear their story and listen to them (there is also a interview with them explaining their journey). It is a beautiful story. Uplifting, life altering, miraculous, and yet so heavy, so very, very heavy. How amazing they are, and that God chose them to tell this story. I had to share.

Obsession, Awe...

It's 2 am and I have been searching blogs for quite some time now. Lately, I have been obsessed with searching for blogs-for inspiration-through words and photography. My obsession with photography started with my wedding. When looking for the perfect wedding photographer, I stumbled upon magic...Wedding photography, Engagements, Babies, Families-BLISS. I became intrigued with getting a glimpse into people's lives, a glimpse through a photographers' eyes. After my wedding, and my own disappointment with my wedding photos, I became, I would say, obsessed, with photography. I had a career position at the time, that allowed me a bit of down time, and I used that down time, searching photographers websites. I find photography so beautiful. Simply beautiful! It's like a sneak-peak into someone's life. You are a visitor in their dream world. In that moment, it's a glimpse of a moment in time, a moment in their life, forever captured on film. And in that moment, there is simplicity. Black and White, Color, Smooth lines, Crisp Colors, Sharp Edges, Softness-Beautiful. In that moment, this new couple, these Newlyweds aren't arguing over him leaving his dirty clothes all over the house, or wet towels on the floor. He isn't accusing her of going shopping or being spoiled. Their not arguing over money or family or stonewalling. They're not hurting each other by things said, or words unspoken. In that moment, their in love. And that's all you see. Simple-Love. Beautiful Love. Life. No Chaos. And there is Chaos. We all know there is. People fight, people argue, people disagree. That's life. But you don't capture that on film. Weddings are magical places, magical events. Everyone loves weddings, you'll never see a couple more happy, more in-love, more care-free. The world is their oyster. Their life is just beginning...And that is what you see come through the photos and it's magical.



With Children-enough said. Children are simple creatures. They just are, no rhyme or reason. They emit beauty just by being. And that moment is forever captured in time. That smile, that laugh, that curly cue, those baby feet, tiny hands, belly roll, belly button, dimply cheeks. You stopped time for a moment, and in that image they will forever be 1 day old, 1 week old, 1 month old, 1 year old.



I feel as though I have tapped into this magical world with blogging. I am discovering all these beautiful, unique people, and I am in awe...simple, pure, raw, utter awe. And, it has inspired me to seek that out in myself. Lately, I just feel like I have this bug, this tick that I can't quite squelch. I feel like I am going to burst with energy and I don't know what to do with it. My husband, my love, my strength, my guide, my support, has given me a photoshop program, and I think with what time I can find at the end of each very long, very exhausting day, I am going to delve into it, and devote my time to that, so instead of just wishing I could offer the gift of photography to others, and to my daughter through pictures, I will be that much closer to actually doing it. I am also going to try to write more, devote more time to searching within myself. I used to love to write. Short stories, drafts for books, poetry, letters, notes, and then I just stopped. Where did it go? I'm om a mission to find it. Wish me luck!





In my searching, I discovered this http://lyrynyacoe.blogspot.com/ and found this
http://hofferphotography.com/blog/. Seriously in love with this man's photography. Astounding, so beautiful. I seriously cried. Cried at the beauty. Cried for these couples and their love. Cried for joy that they will have these moments frozen forever in time. Cried, wishing I had the same. Cried wishing I could give this gift that he has to others. Absolutely beautiful. I am in love with what he does with the engagement ring at each different photo shoot. He always finds a way to incorporate the ring into the stage/setting of the shoot. So unique. I think I found a new obsession.

Welcome Fall, Baby Dear....

Lately, I have been reminiscent of the early days of my pregannacy. I am remebering being pregnant at this time last year, and longing for that wonderful, magical feeling of holding a life inside of you, growing, nurturing your little pumpkin seed. I absolutely loved being pregnant! It was not like anything I can ever remember feeling, and really, is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I can think of nothing better, outside of holding your little one in your arms. My dear friend is pregnant, and I could not be happier for her, and her family. I must say my joy for her, is bringing back so many memories...I can't imagine never being able to experience that feeling, and I am so thankful that I will have the chance, again, someday to expereince it. I would be pregnant all the time, and have a whole brood of pumpkins if I could. My own little pumpkin patch! I would love to have baby after baby after baby. I can't begin to say how fufilling children are and how they fill your soul with such utter joy and love, you feel as though it will burst and rain down around you. The whole process from start to finish, I love every step.

Sweet baby dear, before you even were, I loved you, before I knew you, I loved you, before you fluttered, moved, kicked, hiccuped. Before you breathed your first breath of life, before you cried your first cry, before I could hold you, as I watched you across the room, I loved you. Before you were mine, I adored you, I worshiped you, I prayed for you, I thanked God for you, I knew I'd lay down my life for you, a million times over. As I held you, watched your tiny chest move up and down, felt your tiny heartbeat, held your tiny hand, I knew that You were mine, and as long as I lived there would never be anything as important as you, as perfect as you. I knew in those moments, you were mine, and I loved you.

The pic of Nik above was taken by my sister-in-law, Rachael, a talented photographer, here is further evidence of her talent http://schiranotriplets.blogspot.com/.

SPLISH, SPLASH!

"HI, I'M BUCKWHEAT!"

Umm, this rubber ducky is mmm, good!

"What are you talking about?! I think my hair looks good like this!"

"Well, you know my name is Simon, and I like to do drawrrrings!"

"Rubber ducky likes it when I eat his bottom, he really does, he told me."

"And the duck stands alone..."

Avid Fan!

"Is that an interception??!!!""

"Whew that was a close one, better watch it Jay."

"I can't watch, I'm so nervous."

"C'mon Olson, pull it together!"

"Wait, what's that inside there? A puppy? How'd they do that? Huh? What? Is that game still on? I'm taking a Time-out, let me know who wins!"

Thanks, Uncle Troy and Aunt Angie for my Bears Cheerleading Uniform! As you can see, I bring the Bears luck! Plus, the Blue and the Orange look so good on me! So much more flattering tham Blue and Silver!!! Don't you think?!

Daddy Day-Yeah!

" I love my Daddy, I love my daddy, I love my daddy, Yeah!!!"

Daddy bought me a pair of jeans and a long sleeve white tee-we won't talk about where he got it. but, Mommy came home, and she said, "What happened to my little girl?"

I had some fun with Sweet Potatoes. And, I am liking them better this time around.






Daddy carried me around in the Baby Bijorn. I was trying to take a nap, I got a little fussy pants!

We should do this "Daddy Days" more often... or once a month would do just fine!

Daddy Day Care!

I have to work one Saturday once a month, and while I hate to do it bc it makes the week that much longer, I get the following Friday off, which means one more day for Nik with family and helps with the cost of Daycare. So, I packed up the diaper bag with all the necessities, including: milk, cereal, diapers, wipes, toys, change of clothes, bibs, burp cloths, pacis, teethers, diaper rash creams, lotions, rattles, blankets, books and I sent the pumpkin off with her Daddy-they were out the door before I left. Daddy is off to get the pumpkin some jeans and some "Daddy Day" clothes, as the clothes Mommy left out for the pumpkin today are "not going to work" for Daddy. I'm a little worried. I somehow have a feeling that I'm going to run into someone I know at a later date and time and they are going to tell me how they ran into my husband, and our son at the store!!! My little pumpkin may look look like a little boy pumpkin when I get home from work!!! I know that Daddy gets a little thrill out of having the pumpkin all to himself for a day!
It reminds me of one of my favorite movies growing up, "Mr. Mom" with Michael Keaton, the country song, "Mr. Mom," and the fond memories I have of my own special "Papa Days" when I was growing up! Life truly is a circle.