Right on Track.

                                  

Nik had her 9 Month Check-Up today.  She turned 9 Months the 29th, but somehow, maybe do to the holidays, the check-up got scheduled a little later.  Nik is right on track with her height and weight, as she's been all along...Height 30 Inches (97%percentile), Weight 22.9 (95%percentile), Head Circumference 17 1/2 (75%percentile-Nik had held steady in the 50th%percentile in this category, but I guess she decided to start uping the game on that % too!).  Dr. Emm says she's doing great and he's very happy with where she's at!

We had just come from having Lunch with Daddy at the Office (I used Family Leave Bonding today:), and Nik held onto Daddy's golf ball the whole way in the car, and into the Doctor's office.  Love you, Daddy!

Nik and I had a great day visiting her Nana, Grandpa, Daddy, Doctor, and we had the chance to run some errands, get some things done at the house, do some grocery shopping, pick up something for Daddy, and we had a VERY FUN TIME using our Gift Certificate to Victoria's Secret and SHOPPING at the Mall.  We had a cafe break at the coffee store, bought a new toy, hat, mittens, fleecee, and winter coat.  Nik even helped me find a great piece at Vickie's that I had missed during my initial run through.  She's such a great shopping partner!!  She's Trouble though, she loves everything!! 

Partners in crime, us girls!!

Shh... I Have a Secret!

Victoria's Secret Semi Annual Sale Going On Now!!

Thanks, Jan (And Rach).

Best Hubby Ever!!!

My husband and I agreed not to exchange Christmas Gifts this year, in lieu of getting Nik some toys, trying to cut back, and since Christmas does not really fall within our budgeted budget :)-save money.  I don't think that I could never, not get my husband something for Christmas, whether it be something small, or even something handmade, or some gesture from the heart (I just don't have it in me to not gift him something, I love Christmas too much!).  This task was very difficult for me as I LOVE to give presents at Christmas, so, I used some coupons to get him a small gift that he had been wanting, and got the item for a steal!  Stockings are my absolute favorite thing at Christmas, and always hold the best gifts to me-
 I remember as a child, the excitement of reaching your hand down in there, and never knowing what you were going to pull out.  It seems like, you were continuously pulling little things out!  But this year, I was able to restrain myself, and just got a few things for him.

I think I have always been a step behind.  I got a car when I was 16, my parents gave me their old car to drive.  As a 16 (18) year old, you always dreamed of the brand new car with the big red bow.  That's not exactly how my story goes, but I was just happy to have a car--freedom (if you can be free at 16).  I drove that car for 11 years.  I called her Betty Lou, if that name gives anything away, but I never had to pay car payments, insurance, or fill my car with oil (thanks daddy)  At 18, when I started college, I used a Smith and Corona typewriter, a dictionary, and textbooks for my college papers.  I received a stereo (18) and tv (21) later than most kids my age and I received a cell phone and my first digital camera later than most when they were coming out.  And, up unitl 2 days ago, I never had the current "it" phone, or internet access via phone.  I still don't have a Ipod, an MP3 player, a laptop, or a Wii, but I have always been of the mind that if whatever it is gets me from point A to point B, that's enough for me!  I also take great belief in the adage, "good things come to those who wait."  But, my husband, who always "keeps me up with the Joneses" took me to Verizon on Sunday, after speaking with a friend who advised us that these new phones were on sale.

 And bought me one, he even threw in a pink case for me!!!

And, how incredible are these phones!!  My husband asked me if I liked my phone, and I thought he must be crazy!!  I LOVE IT!!  With this thing, I will never ever be bored in a doctor's waiting room, standing in line, or anywhere ever again!  I just keep hearing those words in my head, "there's an app for that."  And there really is!  I feel spoiled to have such an incredible piece of electronic equiptment in my hands.  But, then I felt the same way about my engagement ring!  My parents were just complaining the other day, when my other phone went caput, that they couldn't hear me, I doubt that they'll have that problem ever again.  These things sound like your in the next room!!  And the camera phone-incredible!  Really, if you have the opportunity to get your hands on one of these, or already have one, they are truly amazing!!

On other note, our Daddy has been working especially hard this past year to provide for us, and we are very lucky for that.  Each day, I think about how I don't want to wake up, head out into the cold, go to work and leave my little pumpkin, but I know it's just as hard for her Daddy, and his work requires that much more attention and energy out of him than mine does. I know that he is working hard in the hopes that one day I will be able to stay at home with Nikolina and build the rest of our family, and for that I love him even more.  I constantly feel like I am juggling all these balls in the air, and when I feel like they're all going to come tumbling down on me, he is always there to try and calm me down or tell me I'm being ridiculous, one of the two.  We love him and every day we are so lucky he is our Daddy!

Love you Daddy!!

2010.

It's a New Year, and though I didn't ring the New Year in with a Bang (little one and all that), my husband and I did have a very nice dinner at one of my New favorite restaurants. We made an early reservation, and it was very quiet, intimate, and just want a New Mommy could ask for, to welcome the New Year with her family! The atmosphere was bright, sparkly, and refreshing, and though it was quiet, it was busy enough to feel like a (shared) celebration. The weather fit appropriately for the Season, and the nip was just enough to remind you what time of year it was, and to soothe you straight down to your core. We made it an early night, and when I brought the champagne to my husband at 8:00 pm, he stated that it was "too early" and we had to wait until Midnight to officially ring in the New Year, but by 9 pm, he was fast asleep on the couch, and I followed at 10:15. I'd say we're not quite the crazy kids we used to be, especially since we beat both sets of Grandparents to bed. But we were up at 6:00, which I bet most people can't say. We had a nice breakfast, and did some grocery shopping, I did some cleaning and some laundry, and we spent sometime with Family. An ordinary day, but a refreshing, New day for a New Year. If I could spend every day of the New Year with my family doing little ordinary things like that all day, I'd be the happiest person alive and every day would feel like a New day. We have a lot to be thankful for this New Year, and as the years keep going by, I am painfully (and ecstatically) aware of them as they go...Each day I want to relish my time with my family, and each day I do, I wish I'd lived that much more. I'm so excited for each new step, each new path, each new day that awaits us, and yet, a part of me wants to slow time, so I can soak it in a little while more. But, a New Year awaits, and with a New Year, a New Song (for our blog), from one of my favorite New Movies, "Love Happens." Enjoy! And, Happy New Year!

Merry New Year!!

First Noel.

Nik admiring her First Christmas Tree (outside my belly, of course)!

Nik playing with the tree/ornament for the first time with all the ornaments trimmed on the tree.

An ornament my mother (mimi) gave the pumpkin for her first Christmas.

How much do you love taking pictures of ornaments on Christmas Trees??!!
I love this ornament! It's a large bell that has a bird atop it, one of my favs!

Another one of Josh's ornaments, and the reason for the Season!

An ornament stocking from Josh's first Christmas.

One of the ornaments that Josh's mother gave to us (she gave me a box of Josh's ornaments when we were married). I love to adorn our tree with his ornaments from his childhood!

An ornament that our Niece, Lydia, gave us the first year we were engaged, it is one of my absolute favorite ornaments! It is very special and significant to me, us.

In lieu of a Star or an Angel (as I have not come across either one that I find suitable to adorn our tree, we have a Fairy/Angel)

Choices.

Are you one of those people who looks back on the choices they have made and wouldn't do one thing different. I use to struggle with this, and there was a time in my life, when I use to say "if only" or "I wish" or "If I could just go back and do this differently." Then, I went through a period of self-acceptance and realized that every step that we take, every choice, whether you can clearly define that that step or choice had a purpose, or not, you could at least say that it made you who you are today, and if you have accepted yourself, and love yourself, you can proudly say that you wouldn't change one thing about your past, or hence yourself. Up until I started work again and sent Nik off to daycare when she was merely 12 weeks old, I think I could safely say, I didn't regret one thing about my life, not one thing, even the difficult times, the choices that one may say were the "un-worn path" or shall I say "untraveled", the round-about path, were not a regret to me. Until my choices affected someone else, did I see them as a "bad choice" or "the wrong choice." That's the thing about Motherhood and Parenthood is the delicacy and fragility of the life that you hold in your hands, the innocence. You shape this life. Your choices, your decisions, your actions, your paths, are not just affecting you now, now they affect the new life of your innocent child. Enter Regret. The number one and only regret I have: not being in a position that allowed me to stay home and raise my daughter. And, I can't beat myself up enough about it. The choices that I made in my innocence, in my naive, selfish youth have put me smack dab in the middle of this dilemma/circumstance that I'm in now, which puts my daughter in the hands of someone other than me, other than family, in a place other than her home, other than a life that I carved out, so desperately wanted to create for her. And how it affects her future is my bearing. How it shapes and molds her is my surmise. My baby, if I could go back now, and know of you, know of the love I would feel for you, know of the experience, the life of your love, I would change it. I would finish high school, I would finish college, and I would prepare financially for you, so that everyday, every morning, you would wake, leisurely and we would play all day, growing in love and life. I would have the time to show you the little things that go un-noticed in the hustle and bustle of a busy work day. I wouldn't be flying out the door, with you hanging by my hip, loaded down with bags packed to try and create a home away from home, I wouldn't rush home everyday to cram 9 hours of my love and the life I want to show you into 1 hour with you. And, all the wrongs would be righted. I wouldn't look at you with strangers eyes when I pick you up everyday. I wouldn't wonder what your days were like. Mostly, I wouldn't look back years from now, when you ask me to tell you what the first year of your life was like, and say, "I'm sorry, Baby, I just don't know."

But, this is my legacy, mine to bear for for years and years to come:regret. I can only pray that my mistakes have no long lasting negative affect on Nikolina. That would be my wish for her(after good health and happiness, of course):to enter into a life, un-inhibited, un-tarnished by someone else's mistakes, namely, by me, her mother-the one person that should be helping her, not hurting her.


Happy 9 Month Little Pumpkin!! We love you! You are getting so big, so fast, we are so proud of you and all that you have accomplished so far. We cannot wait for each new step that you are taking towards becoming your own little talking, mobile, independant, person!